Quackers. liyana thinks the part at the top of my webpage is ugly because of the way the words appear on the dark red background. I never noticed. I am so unobservant. But heck. jw, take note of tt when u make more backgrounds for me, kay?

I am going overseas tomorrow! Wow, that sounded like I'm going to Australia or something. When all I'm going to is Genting for 3 days. Getting bored of that place, but at least there's a big, air-con room with big comfy bed & big bathtubs & carpeted floors...I like hotels. I'm leaving at 1a.m. in the morning for my dad to send us over since he is still working now. I so need a break. Sadly, I still haven't really started on AM. I can't stand Maths. I wish I could, but can't. I haven't started on holiday homework either. Same old, same old. Sigh.

I still haven't watch LOTR!!! I wanna watch! I wanna watch! I wanna watch! But I'm too lazy to walk out of the house. Sigh. Pathetic. The reason I really need to watch LOTR is because I wanna start getting excited by the Matrix! The two sequels are coming up in 2003 & I can't wait! I can't believe Newsweek released the plot! Why did I read it? I so can't wait! My 3 favouritest movies all in a row. HP, LOTR, & Matrix. Quackers.

Yeerks:
"They're a parasiticspecies, not very big or impressve to look at, just these slug-like things that can enter you head through your ear. They have a capacity to anesthetize the inner ear enough to allow them to burrow through the soft tissue. It still hurts but not as much as it should.
They dig their way straight to your brain and then flatten themselves out, spread themselves down into the crevices, tie directly into your synapses. They take control. Absolute control.
They read your thoughts, they sense your emotions. What your eyes see, they see. What your tongue tastes, they taste. If your hand moves, it's because they moved it. If you speak, it is the yeerk who has spoken through you, made you into a ventriloquist's dummy.
Over the sourse of years they spread like a virus. Invisible. Undetectable.
They are your teacher, your pastor, you best friend. They are the police officer, the TV news-man, the soldier. Anyone."

Stupid. Now I can't see what's on my blog. It can't seem to refresh itself. Same problem as Shamiah. Damn.

A Dogglefox is a cute little petpet from Neopets. It looks like something in between a dog & a fox. Don't you all ever play Neopets anymore? Sigh. And why is only the monkey signing my guestbook these days? I really don't feel like updating my blog anymore unless people read it. And how am I suppose to know if they don't sign my guestbook, right?

I am so scared for myself. What's happening to me? I never eat anything these days. I've been fasting for the past few days & I only eat like one meal a day, because I'm too tired to wake up in the morning. But I can't even finish a plate of rice. Eat half of it and leave therest to my mother. I can't even eat fast food like I used to. Eat 3/5 of it then feel like vomiting. I don't even feel hungry in the morning. I see people eat but drool don't feel my mouth like it used to. The last time I went to see my P6 teacher she told me I'm very very thin. Sigh. I just want to die.

You know what? If I ever were to be taken over by the stupid yeerks, I wouldn’t bother resisting. I mean, what’s the point? I am already living a very sad and useless and boring life. If a yeerk were to take control of my body, I would ever be so grateful. That way, I wouldn’t need to make stupid dicisions anymore. The yeerk would make all the decisions for me.

Damn, a thought just came. If I were not to resist from the yeerk, that meant I'm helping them take over Earth faster. I should have resisted then I could have escaped & form a resistant force or something. If I don't resist, the fall of mankind would happen & it'll be my fault. Sigh again.

"Darkness breaks, Moon awakes.
Night now brings the stars it makes.
Moon beams fall, Light up all.
From silvery woods there comes a call.

Grayish blur, Shaggy fur.
Food is this night creatures lure.
Brown deer, Very near.
It is brought down full of fear.
Deadly bite, Very tight.
Every wolf will feast tonight."

Why are they all so against me helping my own yearmates? I can’t stand it, you know. I just don’t know. So should I help them or not? I feel so helpless. I mean, I see them trying as hard as they can…or at least I think I see. And then there I am not contributing my own efforts. I feel damn guilty. Yet my own relativse are telling me to ignore them. I guess I should. But I can’t ignore the guilty feeling. If I were in their shoes, I know I would find it difficult to handle the kind of stuff they handle. But still, it’s like they are very close together and I feel that with it being that way, they can get more things done than I ever could alone. I am getting lost here typing my thoughts down. Oh well, let it be, I guess. If it’s my family holding me back, it’s not my fault that I don’t help them, right?

Let's take the chair as example. She's very very enthu in her CCA. She actually likes doing them and her parents don't mind. But she's really slacking in her school work. So is that good for her, or bad?

Hey, I've got a Dogglefox! He's so cute! And he looks like Elvis when I make his hair stand up. Hehe.

I haven't started studying yet. Why am I so not worried about my AM? I get like 26% lor...I'm so damn tired. I'm tired of studying. I'm tired of watching TV. I'm tired of reading books. I'm tired of waking up. I'm tired of eating breakfast. I'm tired of travelling that long distance to school. And before long, I will be travelling the exact same distance and route to take my 'O's.

I've finished Badai Semalam and it was such a drama story. I can't believe his husband died. What a jerk. Ashik minum air setan je...then the wife also don't want to give a second chance. But then again, if my husband beat me up like thatm I'll probably hate him forever too. Sigh, what a sad life she had. Anyway, how am I going to return the book to shamiah? It's a bit the tattered and torn already. It's been through hail and shine and been thrown around from one corner of the house to the other...though my house is quite small actually...

"Tidak. Aku lahir bukan untuk menyeksa hati orang. Tapi kalau kau merasa terseksa maka itu bukan salah aku. Cuba menyalahi diri sendiri. Dan juga belajar kenal diri sendiri." ~ Mazni

"Selalu Mazni menangis. Menangis...dan terus menangis, sepuas hati. Biar lepas segala yang terbuku, tersengkang di lubuk hati. Baginya, menangislah salah satunya jalan keluar untuk melapangkan sesak di dada." ~ Badai Semalam oleh Khadijah Hashim

Hee...sorry jw. Blame you for no reason. But I really have no idea what you're talking about. What in the world is an image FILE & image HOST? What's the difference? But it is VERY nice. Don't ya'all just love the background? It's damn cool, kanz? I like it lots. Feel like I owe jw so much. Thanks again. You should give me a lesson some day.

And sham, that lose monkey in my guestbook is some lost girl called Pamela who just escaped from the zoo. Why don't you visit her blog? She loves Draco Malfoy like hell.

Oh & how could Derek & Drew get eliminate? They are too cute! Okay, not. My sis insisted they are. But I really thought they could win the race. Why are they so stupid? Follow Flo around blindly & assuming here & there. I can't believe them! But the way they have to go back to the other side & all...it's just so sad...I hate those brotheres Ken & Gerard. They owe Flo big one. And Flo is another one. Who ask her to share info with those jerks? Idiots. Pathetic idiots all of them. This way, the old people might just win. Whatever in the world are they going to do with the money?

And oooh...you should see my fishes! My gold fish actually laid eggs! My younger sis found them & was wondering what they were. When baby fishes came out of it, she was so excited! And you should see them! They are less than 1 mm long & they are so teeny tiny! They swim funnily, like jelly fishes. And they don't look like gold fishes at all! They are such cutie pies!

"I have so many different people inside of me I don't know which one to bring forth."

Why is it everytime I try to do something, it turns out to be wrong? Especially when I gave an idea then everybody followed it but in the end it was the wrong idea so everybody had to re-do the whole thing with a better idea and they don't even let me help them do it because I suppose they are afraid I will do the wrong thing again.

And I am so sick & tired of watching & listening & smiling & laughing without actually saying a word. I want to be brave & give out my thoughts but I don't know how! It's damn irritatingz living everyday in fear of giving out the wrong thoughts. 3 days in a row! I thought I could die of jealousy. Of watching all of them & listening & smiling & laughing...

Ok, enough of bad thoughts. Let's think of dirty thoughts...On Tuesday we rc people had a combined RI & RGS Games Day thingie & it was a whole day thing. As always, there was disco at night & we had music & flashing lights & dancing & stuff. We were at the ri hall on stage & it was a big crowd. We were all crazy that night with the ri guys fooling around & doing stupid moves. Then two of the guys went off stage to the middle of the empty hall floor & started doing a stripties dance to the music. Too bad they stripped only their upper half because after that, some of the girls ran down & grabbed their T-shirts then ran off, laughing all the way. The guys ran off towards the back of the hall & hid behind the squash courts, embarrased or playing I don't know. Then more girls came down & chased after them with their camera & everybody was laughing like hell. While they chased them, other girls were having a tug-of-war with the stripties' T-shirts against the ri guys. We were fighting like hell too. It was crazy. In the end, we managed to chase those half-naked guys & took their candid picture. But then they stopped & said, "No, wait. We must pose." So they act all macho, showing off their biceps & stuff (& one of them had real good-looking ones). Like I said, it was one crazy night.

"There was no past & no future, only an eternal hovering in the presence of static bliss." ~ Felidae on the Road by Akif Pirinci

"Honor has not to be won; it must only not be lost." ~ Arthur Schopenhauer

First, I hate my sister.

Second, we finally have BroadBand! Unlimited hours! Finally!

Third, I am probably not going to start DV very soon. I need to take a break. Too many hp stuff & I'll burst. And I get bored of stuff very easily.

Forth, the first day of Hari Raya was actually great! The trip to my paternal grandma's house was not as bad as other years. Why? Because I get to talk to my cousin. Okay, stupid reason. I have this cousin same age as me but of the opposite sex. And usually, cousins of the opposite sex usually get further & further away from us as we grow. And that's the case. I've always missed those old days when we run around playing catching during Hari Raya and challenging each other to who can spit the furthest. But we grew & we don't talk to each other anymore. But this year, at my grandma's house, we & my sisters get down to play Monopoly. None of us really knew how to play it & so we made our own rules. It's pretty much crap but during the time we play, we get to really talk. So that day, I found out lots of stuff about him & his schoolwork & stuff. And I found out he's in Photog too, which is pretty hard to believe. He's very tall & big sized, I thought he'd be in football or something. So we actually managed to talk, tease & laugh at each other, which is a great change. We actually didn't want to leave my grandma's house. Ha, it was a great day. Didn't know a game of Monopoly could change so much.

Another difference between this year & other years is we actually go to more than two houses on the first day of Syawal. Usually we go to only two houses, my grandma's & my grandma's. This year we went to two more houses together with our aunts & uncles & cousins from the maternal side. And we had more fun & more money too! Money money money!!!

Yesterday, I just found out that I had one more cousin than I thought. My aunt just gave birth a few days ago, & now she has five children. Now I have two aunts with five children. I'm starting to lose count of the number of cousins I have. Last time, I was very close to all my cousins & see them more than once a year. Now there's just too many to count.

I have this cousin who I lost contact with a few years also too. When I saw her yesterday, she's changed so much. She's only a year younger than me but very very much more matured. I suppose she should be. She's the eldest of four siblings. She's working shifts now at Takashimaya & I didn't even know. She's very beautiful too. She knows how to wear make up & her tudong is all nice & neat, even after she woke up from her nap at my grandma's place. I miss her. I miss the old times we had when we played with our baby dolls & cooking pots & stuff. She's grown so much. I hate growing up. Too many things to handle, too many to think about. I'd rather take it slowly, one day at a time.

Oh, and fifthly, I can't wait for LOTR part 2 the movie!!!

"Nature shows that with the growth of intelligence comes increased capacity for pain, and it is only with the highest degree of intelligence that suffering reaches its supreme point." ~ Arthur Schopenhauer

"Umm...what day is it again? Anyway, I can tell you one thing. It's all going to go by in a flash & before you know it, the 'O' levels are here."

I am so tired. I almost finish reading Draco Sinister. I actually cried at the part when I thought Harry died. You know the part when they were in the adamantine cell, Slytherin was advancing towards Draco & Draco took out his sword. Then Slytherin grabbed Harry & pushed his body through that sword? I was so surprised. I didn't want to believe Harry really died. I was like Woah! The way the author built the tension was great. She should actually publish the story into a book. I bet she would've earn a lot.

But there's still some stuff I do not understand. Like how I thought Draco had two Epylical charm. So now one is with Harry, but where's the other one? Hmm...maybe it'll be answered in the last chapter.

Damn. Have I mentioned that I hate my life? How could Harry not hate his? He mentioned something to Draco about how he never ever thought of wanting to die or kill himself, not even once. Argh! My life is sO obsessed with Harry Potter! I'll talk about something else now.

I love the Animorphs. Marco is so damn funny. I was reading one of the books in the MRT just now & I almost burst out laughing at his stupid jokes & sarcasm. I was smiling like crazy reading the book, & I wasn't worried then but now I'm afraid if the people in the MRT find me nuts. Sigh...the war against the yeerks is so serious, yet Marco can find humour in them. I never get tired of reading the books over & over again. What's more, the end of the Animorphs was quite surprising. I've never imagined the Andalites could be so arrogant.

Supposed to have training this Saturday. I'm NCO. Again. I didn't realise that this Saturday would be the day after Hari Raya. How could I be so absorbed in red cross that I don't realise Hari Raya?

' "I can imagine some pretty bad things." Draco accomplished a one-shouldered shrug. "Come on, I’ve seen Severus Snape’s pajamas. Nothing can terrify me."

Without thinking, she (Fleur) reached out and seized his wrist. "I’m serious."

"So am I." There was a feverish malicious amusement in his silver-black eyes as he looked at her. "Those pajamas, they had little hearts on them. It was horrible." ' ~ Draco Sinister

I got a dream during my afternoon nap just now. Wanna guess what it was? Haha! It's so funny!!! Wait till ya hear.

First I was at a camp. Then later after lights out, I escaped from camp just to go to...the war in neopia! There was this evil person (which was so cartoon), & I was spying on him. I found out one of his plans, & went back to camp. Then when I realise what was happening, I realised one of his plans is to mate us. (I probaby got this idea from Draco Sinister, ' "Both of us in one room, one bed...what are you trying to do? We’re not cocker spaniels, you know. You can’t just go around....mating us." ' ~ Draco to Slytherin ) So we were all given a partner to mate with. Guess who my partner was? Fairuz! Hahaha! Fairuz from Perbayu...you know...the one in our year? Haha! So, anyway, we were given a room to 'mate' aka have sex in. I guess we were inexperienced in it, or we were delaying or something because all I remembered was us touching each other's noses. Then I woke up. Hahaha! That was the stupidest dream I have ever had!

And nO, I do NoT have a crush on Fairuz. It's probably just because she came over to my house on Friday, so I dreamt of her. Don't think dirty thoughts. And anyway, I have better gals to have a crush on.

Yesterday we went to Johor to buy baju kurung together with my grandma & auntie & uncle & 2 cousins, 1 a baby. He's so cute! He's grown so much since the last time I saw him. I tried to carry him around but he's SO heavy already. Or maybe I'm just a weak, pathetic little kid. He can't stay still, you know? And he's baby talk is so cute! He's SO excited when we go travelling & love to be carried around. And what's cuter is when he suddenly laugh his cute little laugh, laughing over nothing, so we all join him laughing. Cutie-pie!

Anyway, my family got clothes one set for the family. The one we ordered was yello & pink. Pink! Again! We got pink last year too...*whines* There's too many pink in my closet. But this time, Ayah got pink too! Ayah is wearing pink this year! Haha! Can't wait to see it on him.

“Charlie was never actually sure exactly what it was that suddenly woke him up in the middle of that night. Later, he would think it was a vague feeling of uneasiness, the sense that all was not right with the world. More likely, it was a sudden craving for chocolate biscuits.” ~ Draco Sinister Chapter 12 – The Persistence of Memory

I'm feeling that very depressed feeling again. The feeling where I feel that I hate my life & I just want to die...

My sisters are over at my grandma's house. My mum is going out to do some work later. My dad is doing the night shift. So I'm going to be alone in the house soon. Tomorrow there's training. I'm still very weak in my Physics especially the basics. I still haven't started revising for A-Maths review exam. And I am very bored.

"Indignantly, Harry opened his mouth to reply - and was cut off as another loud grinding noise emanated from the corner of the room. Both the boys whirled around, holding their swords. This time, the dark space grew larger than it had before, large enough for a person to walk through. Harry and Draco stood frozen, looking at each other.

Draco spoke first. What should we do?

Protect ourselves. Stand back to back.

Draco put his hands on his hips. And that would accomplish precisely what?

Harry shrugged. I don't know. It's what they do in movies."~Draco Sinister Chapter 10 - Bindings & Summonings

Cheer upz, Munirah. You are the most depressing friend shamiah has ever had. You should be honoured.

Fasting month and my penpal is asking SO many questions about it. I have to think so long to answer them. But I like his opinion on "There is no movie in this world
that is better than the book." He said movies let our imaginations be limited by the movie's output. And we agree that they can never be satisfactory.

I had a dream the other night that I got my shoe stuck in the MRT door. I went out on the wrong stop and when I realise it, I was rushing back inside but the door closed in and my left shoe got stuck. I had to tug it out and it was so embarrassing!

The night before that I had another dream. I dreamt my dad and I was arguing and our sparks started a real fire and everybody was rushing to put it out but I just walk away. I was actually crying during the argument. The reason was because he tore the Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets book. I didn't know I love Harry that much to cry for it.
Then in the same dream, I was going home and I found out my mum had become insane. She was pregnant too. I wasn't sure who's the father. She was crying & I was like hugging her and carrassing her like I never would in real life. That dream made me felt damn guilty. Since then, I tried to be nicer to my mum. But she never gave me a chance to! She is reeeaaally making it impossible for me to not hate her.

My internet bill was $142. Had to sacrifice $50 of my pocket money. Heck...I don't spend during fasting month anyway. Is Ayah ever going to get BroadBand?

"Life is short, but truth works far and lives long; let us speak the truth."~Arthur Schopenhauer
(Hah, ThaT would be the day...)

I can't post for the last few days. Something wrong with the damn thing.

And no, the toilet wasn't that dark. The light was very bright. It's just disgusting to see any green when I am actually shitting. My shit was green, you know. That was when I was having flu & had to take this green pills & green water & green everything. Urgh.

I went for group study (more like pair study) with liyana on Friday & that was like the first time I actually touched my school work. I'm re-taking the exam papers & I still start late. I even dream about Newby yesterday. Why is is so difficult to turn over a new leaf?

I tried reading Draco Trilogy a few days ago. I had to search for the part where I stopped reading since just before the exams. That took like forever. I just started reading when the phone rang. (Since everybody else is at my grandma's house, I had to pick up the phone.) It was my sister's friend. Irritated, I went back to read the story. I hardly read one paragraph when the phone rang again. It was my yearmate who needed some help on searching for some camp stuff. So I spent an hour helping her & when I finally get back down to reading, guess what? The phone rang. Guess who? Wrong number. I wanted to just kill the phone...so that was how the afternoon go. With me reading a few paragraphs & the phone ringing & me picking up the phone & getting irritated & going back to read the story & so forth. There was also once when the doorbell rang, so I had to walk all the way to the door to open it. My younger sister rushed in, went to the computer & started using the net. I was frustrated but determined to at least finish one chapter, so I screamed at her, got more hollering from my parents, & even more nagging from my mum for not doing the housework etc. But since I was determined, I finally managed to finish the one chapter. So what's the moral of the story here? If there's a will, there's a way? Fate does not want me to finish reading Draco Trilogy? Or maybe just simply the world hates me. Sigh.

"The brain may be regarded as a kind of parasite of the organism, a pensioner, as it were, who dwells with the body."~Arthur Schopenhauer

One thing I hate myself for being so good at is making people cry. But it's not my fault. They started it. If they had only stop being such irritating and useless people but actually help around the house...okay, so it's partly my fault. Why am I pointing fingers? Sigh, I so regret this.

I just thought. I told jw I want a background design themed on pokemon. I wonder how she's going to find pokemon pictures. How do you design a background anyway? By using those htmls? I don't understand htmls. Is it a short form for something? Hmm...I need to change my layout. I can't stand purple. My aunt is painting her living room purple & it looks horrible! To me, at least. I mean, purple walls do NoT go with green doors, especially dark green. Oh, and she renovated her toilet and now the toilet has green tiles, green walls, green tubes. Why would you want a toilet green in colour? She has bad taste.

"It started already even though you might not have wanted. But the fact that you breathe the same air as I do makes you one of us. I believe we have one more chance in front of us to change destruction into a new creation. And turn hate into peace. And convert fear into hope. Without any hesitation from this point on, we will sacrifice ourselves for the new beginning of the world. If we fail, the world as we know it will end."~Dr Brian Gilbert, in 3rd Countermeasure Conference

"Obstinacy is the result of the will forcing itself into the place of the intellect."~Arthur Schopenhauer

"Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other."

My family fighted again today. Except that my elder sister joined in and she made a hell of a noise, my father yelled like crazy and then my sister locked herself in her room.

My computer finally work. It came back two days ago actually but it didn't work then. That time I was asleep, but I dreamt of people shouting and blaming whoever about the computer which didn't work. When I woke up, I found out that it wasn't a dream.

There is this cartoon show called The Ultimate Book of Spells and it's about school kids in a magic boarding school and they use wands too. It's a bit like Harry Potter but the three kids, also 2 guys and a gal, are on a different mission.

Okay, I'm bored.

I realised the more I type, the more depressing my thoughts get.

"Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully."

Yea, thought of a more optimistic / wise quote for a change.

www22.brinkster.com/yayowb.unkie

Hello people! Thank you so much for writing my guestbook! Thanks also to those who helped me put it up there. (Btw, I think red is the perfect colour. But what do you mean to choose all the stuff you asked me to choose? And what is Kaimisuki anyway?)

I miss the internet SO much! Why must my computer break down with virus every year? But can you believe it? Look at the date! Look at the time! Half of November is gone! Waaah! I can't believe it! Ok, maybe I can. But still, how could this happen?

Ok, some things I have to clear out. When I first started this blog, I was in a bored mood. I made it and started filling it with crap. And the thing is I didn't want anybody to know about my blog. But I didn't make it private either. So there I was, pouring out my whole heart and soul (which is mostly crap) and suddenly a sentence came out which some people are not supposed to see. Well then, I thought, who cares? So I left it there and there it will remain till the sky starts falling or Earth crashes into Venus or Singapore sinks into the sea. Anyway, I am really sorry for the inconvenience but I warn you people, there are truths and lies in this blog, the way there are truths and lies in life. It's up to each person to figure out which is which by themselves. Stuff in here can hurt, but you know, no pain no gain. Am I crapping? Yes.

Oh, did you know that 40+% of the population in Singapore is blood type O+ ? And about 29% is B+ ? And about 26% is A+ ? And the rest is AB+ ? Ok, whatever. So anyway I went to this talk on blood and organ donation for Red Cross and I didn't know that blood is so important. So many people takes it for granted. One pint of blood can actually save 4 lives! Blood is divided into 3 different parts (platelets, red blood cells and plasma) to help people of different diseases. And it was quite amazing. There's some misconceptions about it being painful lar, you'll gain weight lar, you'll become weak and unhealthy lar...but actually you should be growing stronger. The blood will replace the 1 pint in 72 hours (as long as you take in lots and lots of water) and you should be able to donate blood up to 4 times a year. That will be like 16 lives you should have saved! Oh, do you know everybody have like 10-12 pints of blood and 1 pint is about the amount of one can of coco cola so it's like if you have 12 cans of cola, giving one can away would not hurt. Unfortunately, only about 1% of the population donates blood so that's a sad case bacause the hospitals use them a lot. Let's see...what else did I learn? Oh, I found out 10% of the blood donars in Singapore are Muslims and during the month of Ramadhan, the percentage is lost so the amount of blood available drops dramatically. And at this moment, the hospital is lacking O+ blood, so we have to like encourage people with O+ blood to donate now...Spread the news people. I'm supposed to help be like the spokesperson for now since I'm under-aged to donate blood, and since I'm in Red Cross and stuff. The process is not actually painful, just a little ant bite like when you go to peirce your ears. It does take about one hour of your time, but think abou the number of life you'll be saving. For more info, go to www.redcross.org.sg (Bravo to those who actually go there.)

One question: Why do free-thinkers always end up as Christians? At least, the people I know do. Oh yar, maybe it's because of the stupid Muslim terrorist attacks. Pathetic idiots. No racial thing here. Just wondering...you know...like how I wonder why the trees always runs past us whenever we get onto a bus or a car 10 years ago...Huh? Maybe we Muslims need to attract more people...Right.

My sister hates me. Maybe I should start being nicer. I should stop throwing things, throwing tantrums and acting like a witch. And start studying more. Damn. That reminds me...I was on the MRT going home with a friend. The train was quite empty so we took a seat. Then she took out something from her bag which made me wanted to jump out the window, except that I can't open the windows on the train. So anyway, she took out her...Physics holiday assignment! She actually brought it with her! Argh! I feel so damned.

Morning rule: Smile. Afternoon rule: Be care-free. Evening rule: Study. Night rule: Sleep. Wait, isn't evening and night the same? Crap.

I feel like Alisa (Sita), the Last Vampire. She lies her way through her 5000 years of life, just to get what she wants.

I was cursed a long time ago. Now I'm condemned to live a life of depression. This is silly. There's many more people living in worse states than I am and yet I'm saying I'm depressed. I don't deserve this life I'm living.

"The Spaceship is leaving Planet Earth. It is moving faster and faster into space. Planet Earth is getting smaller and smaller. Soon, it will be out of sight. Is Wonderboy alone? No, he is not. He has many stars to keep him company."~The Adventures of Wonderboy...from those baby books.

I hate reading blogs. I hate me.

So...people's been watching the show twice or more, huh? I doubt I'll ever watch it again in my life. Plus my aunt's already warned me that I shouldn't do it during the month of fasting. But why only during fasting? It's stupid, you know. I bet she's trying to tell me going to the movies is a bad deed anytime in our life. And since I do not approve of pirated VCDs, I can just start feeling sorry for myself.

Now that I do have the internet back...I feel like I do not miss it at all. Now there's nothing for me to do...

It's weird. The time when I feel like nobody will read my blog, I'm ready to say anything. Now that I know people will definitely read my blog, I keep deleting and re-writing and deleting and re-writing. And I am a very messy person.

"In the sphere of thought, absurdity and perversity remain the masters of the world, and their dominion is suspended only for brief periods." I have no idea what that means.

"As the biggest library if it is in disorder is not as useful as a small but well-arranged one, so you may accumulate a vast amount of knowledge but it will be of far less value to you than a much smaller amount if you have not thought it over for yourself."

i post for liyana

Okay, from now on I'm gonna limit the time I spend on the net to every sunday only & only for three hours. I'm also gonna add this daily quote section by Arthur Schopenhauer. He's this pessimistic philosopher who looks at the world in a weird way. Ya all should have figured the quotes on msn & the one below are bll by him. Great ones, huh? But I got a problem with my plan. I have no idea how to add that section. Feel like an idiot. I want to add a guestbook to but I don't know how. Too lazy to find out. Maybe one of these days I'll ask Liyana or something. Hmm...how do we change the page background too? Purple is so gross. (No offence to anybody.) I want to add pictures on my background too! Yap, yap. Can I add music too? What else huh?

"Don't you realise it was only his blind, idiotic will that gave him the illusion of a full & happy life, when every day was really like begging for water in hell?"

Isn't it just so sickening? Once you step out of the MRT, or once you've said goodbye to your friend & you're alone, you start to feel the weight of the world on your shoulders again? What's worse is when you leave the MRT to get onto a bus which later gets into a traffic jam & then the memories & angry faces just keep repeating over & over again in your mind.

Is it true? Do they push all the responsibility to me? Could I be that blind? Could I be that nice? Or could I be that stupid?

Hello. I am telling my penpal all my damn problems & I feel guilty. But he never tells me anything about himself anyway, like what he does, what is happening in his world, etc. I mean, he's getting a little boring. Maybe I'll tell him that. You know, he uses his full name on the Internet. He doesn't need to worry about anything. So should I be suspicious? What if he never tells me anything because I never tell him anything useful which could help me find him? Ok, enough about him

So, I haven't added a guestbook so nobody can respond to me. Should I leave it that way? Or am I too afraid of their feedback? I can already hear the teasing by Tommy (my imaginary friend): "Scardy-cat! Scardy-cat! Mumu is a scardy-cat!" Btw, he acts childish sometimes, so ignore him.

The only reason I where my belt so tight is because I'm too lazy to make it lose. The only reason I where my belt so high is because my waist is built that way. The only reason I act so good is because there is nothing act bad about. I live for the sake of living. I could die if I want to but it's not my ajal yet,so I have to wait. It's not my fault. Nothingis my fault. But my conscience is telling me that it is. The very fact that I'm standing here on this planet is the reason Liyana complains so much about Jia Wen. I'm not saying I hate this. Because it is my destiny to see Stephanie being so thin & me getting a headache out of it. So I'm not complaining. I'm just stating down my thoughts & letting it all go. Don't think I'm angry. Don't think I'm mad. Don't think I'm crazy, cuz all the things I told Jia Wen just now was a lie. Almost all the things I tell everybody is a lie, down to the specific details. My whole life is a lie. There is not truth in nothing. Words are just words & do not mean a thing to what truly lies in your heart. And actions aer just things you do to avoid something else. That's why I do not believe anything I see or hear or read. That's why I do not care so much about Stephanie. It may be a fact, it may be a lie. I do not see the worst in it. I cannot see the best in it. I may care when I feel like it, I may not when I don't.

Everything is giving me a damn headache. Why must the world be so hard? Why must the world have so many problems? Why must everybody despise everybody else? Biy, now I really hate the stupid girl who opened the pandora box. Why must Stephanie be so thin? Why must Liyana be so fat? Why must Shamiah be so smart? Why must Elizabeth be so childish & irritating? Why must Jia Wen be so weak? Why must all strong & rich people be so selfish & mean? And why can't I just not care? Why does everybody bother to? So what if I want to die? So what if Stephanie do not want to? Why does Jia Wen have to be so busy body & come in? Like me? Stupid idiots. All the stupid pathetic idiots in the world. So what if Jia Wen is pathetic? So what if I am? So what if all our closes friends are? DO NOT give me the answer cuz I DON"T WANT TO KNOW!!! I do not care! Don't you see? Don't anybody ever see? I do not care about schoolwork. I do not care about people's feelings. I do not care about my family. I do not care if I die or not. I do not care & I do not WANT to care! What the hell is it with everybody? I do not have to face this!

That pandan cake made me have stomachache! (Now that really rhymes, Shamiah.) Hamtaro is so cute. I still haven't started studying for Geography. I so hate myself. Bet Jasmine or at least Tian have started. Damn. When am I going to start my Malay Essay too?

Oh, that reminds me. My Perdaus exams today was bad. Very bad. I might just fail. I failed my first semester exams. Why didn't I study? I ask myself over & over again. What is it with all this studying? I don't even know how to study. I want to. I have to. I mean, if Jean can love studying, why can't I? Okay Jean, you are going to be my idol now. For 'O' levels sake.

Oh, you should just watch Hamtaro! The song itself is so cute! And the finale song with the hamster dancing...argh! I wished I have a hamster. I wish I have a cat. I watched one today while waiting for Ayah. Then another one came, a younger & more restless one. One which is also gets frightened more easily. I was dangling my wallet keychain & the older one was watching it with it's head moving up, down, left, right as I moved my keychain. It's so cute! I want a cat for a pet!

Okay, Medabots is on now. I don't know why I love battle shows, like Pokemon, Medabots & Beyblade. It's just exciting to see the great action & always seeing new stuff & also trying to expect the unexpected with that never happening. Actually, Beyblade is still new & not much excitement about it yet. The turning top all makes it look so boring.

Oh, you people whould also read Felidae on the Road by dunno-who. I never keep note of the authors. Btw, the book is great! SO many unexpected things happening & the ending is the greatest shock which I still find hard accepting. Talks about human & animals relationships but mostly the bad side of it. The first person is a cat & I when I tried to read it in primary five, I could never understand it well. But it is so great. All the quotes & all...Now I have no book to read. I should call Shamiah & remind her to bring the Malay book. Can I actually imagine myself reading a Malay book? What a sad life I'm living.

Scary. What is with all the people nowadays? Some are jumping for joy. But most are sniffling & feeling depressed, for those who did badly & also those who get 80+%. Hate my life. I told my father I'm becaoming rebellious & I like it. Is that throug? I do not know. I say it just because I didn't know what else to say. Damn. Even Shamiah has a blog. The sound of the typing of the keys. I should be studying right now. I hate myself. The bottom of my mirror broke today. Now I'm going to have 7 years bad luck. What the hell. Like I care. I thought my whole life is already cursed. Have I mentioned I hate my life. Hey, I did this during HML class:

A story I was writing
A story I'll write now
A story of a little girl
Who had no feelings at all

Friends she has
Laughter she enjoys
But one thing she's missing
Is not loving the life she's living

Why? she keeps asking
Wishing she knows
What's wrong with me I wonder
Couldn't be the Monday blues

Hate my life
That's what she feel
Jealousy & hatred
That's what she feel

But it's wrong, isn't it?
All the burning anger & fear
Why can't I be like them?
The ones I admire?

Tears flowing down her cheek
While the anger course through her veins
Clenching, unclenching her fists
As she stares at the past she had

Once a long time ago
She had dreamt to be the perfect girl
Once a long time ago
She had hoped as she revolved around the world

Later...
She's lost & lonely
Without the hope by her side
Later...
She doesn't want to live
She wants to hide & let everything die

But that is wrong, isn't it?
The feeling of dying
The feeling of givng up
She wants to continue living
For the sake of keeping it up

God, please help me
If you are even there
I'm loosing myself
I need someone's love & care

The love did came
The hugs & kisses
But she pushed it all away
As if she doesn't deserve it

It's just wrong
Weird you can say
How can you hug someone
Who you've never seen before?

Lost again she felt all week
Her grades are going down
Her parents are weird to her
Her sisters do not care for her

She sat by the seaside
As she tried to figure it out
But time would never let her
Time just grabbed her as it passed by

Lying on her bed that night
Wondering what was wrong
But something else happened that night
Something she had never longed...

i'm tired. My mum's gonna kill me. Ok, maybe not. I hate people with such wide vocabulary. Not. I realised hate is not such a bad word. What are words anyway? Something to describe yourself? Something to be mistook for our real feelings. Whatever it is, i do not care...i just wanna dig myself in a hole & stay there for the rest of my life. Boy, depression is great.

in order to pass, you will hav to mug:
pg 1 to 3
pg 4 and 5 (not in detail)
pg 6 to 11 ( in more detail)
pg 20
pg 34 to 36
pg 37
pg 39

hello. I'm so sick & tired of hearing all this pple talk about. wats the deal with this pop life & when izzit gonna face out? Neopets. Harry Potter. I've got nothing to say. Elizabeth beside me. The internet suddenly so slow. I got nothing to do. Gosh, I just love this encounter lab computers! And I want a draik! I love dragons! I suddenly found they are si beautiful! found a peanut. found a peanut. found a peanut last night. last night I found a peanut. found a peanut last night. okay, tt's it for the day.

I'm bored. What should I do? The GameBoy is with Maryam & the Internet is too slow to be played with. No exciting books to read. Even Harry Potter is getting boring. I hate him, Harry Potter. He is just a lucky git who gets to be The Boy Who Lived. Why does people like him I do not know. Well, each to their own opinion I guess. My Physics paper today was horrible. I felt happy after the first paper because I at least got to make a choice on which answer to choose, unlike Biology, which I eenie-meenie-mynie-mo towards the end. Argh! But then later I did not get to finish Paper II. I felt so frustrated! I hate my time management & that is not the first time I said that. I just hope I do not fail. I have never failed an exam paper before in my life & if this is going to be the first time...well, then let it be. I deserve it anyway. ::sigh:: Then after that Liyana & I went to eat downstairs. I met Shamiah & Liyana went off with Fairuz & Anisah. I felt sad. Not at that time, no. Only when I think back about it. What a sad life. My Malay paper didn't go off that good either. I hate myself when I feel that mood. I had always been following my moods throughout my whole like & I guess that is one of the thing I want to change. But when I think again, if I do not follow my moods, what am I to follow? I follow my moods & I feel okay with it. I do not care about what happens in the end, because sometimes I feel I cannot fight my mood. Oh, I do not know...what is going to happen? Nobody knows. All we can do is plan...I still haven't figured out what to do. Sleep? Eat? Drink? Sit & stone? That does not sound bad.

http://elfwood.lysator.liu.se/elfwood.html

I know I like Pokemon. I like neopets. I like dragons. I like games. I like GameBoy. I feel like a guy talking here. I had once wished that I was a guy.

There is a crack in everything;
That's how the light gets in.
-Leonard Cohen

well, tt's wat everybody's saying, right?

I got nothing to say except that I'm gonna die for my chemistry. oh yeah, & em, am, geog, phy, bio, hml, el & ss.

wat?

Okay, might as well start typing. I'm now gonna write down my thoughts. Or type down. Gr8. Do i have to pay for this thing? Geez, I so love talking to myself. Well, I have to go study now. Lalalala...

hello. a blogspot of my own? wow. amazing. what in the world does kaimisuki mean anyway?