I hate my life. Actually I don't. I just don't like it. Well, I do...sheesh, I had been so used to saying that I hate my life so whenever I get a little down I'll just say, "I hate my life." But I don't. I would never ever want my life to end...sigh...I'm crapping...so this entry will not make sense...hm...where should I start...that book that Shamiah gave me...it made me think bad thoughts...not bad lah, just silly 'cause...um...it's not really the thoughts that you think I'm thinking about but it's another kind of thoughts which is really ridiculous...then again I'm only at page 70...oh whatever...tests are coming up...I don't know how I'm going to study for Bio...how did I use to study for Bio huh? I forgot...that Chingay Parade being held this Saturday...I wish I had joined to become one of the motivaters...it would have been so much fun...only SRJCians are asked to be the motivators...I didn't join 'cause my friends didn't...I hate following my friends around...in the end they'll just leave you, right?...blah...Andrew...people find him irritating, 'cause he is...he's cute lah, but he's always putting himself in the spotlight, which is quite irritating, but it's not bad entertainment either...but seriously, must he really go up that bouldering wall halfway, holding on to the wall with one hand and do pull ups there? And that time when we had to do chin-ups for one of our stations during station games, he helped us by doing half the number of chin-ups that we had to do so we don't have to do that many...but I think he was just showing off...not that it's not nice of him...oh well...I can keep on talking about this guy forever...next wednesday...I might not be able to go for rocmoc! We're having sports carnival, which is not compulsory though I think I should go to support my class...but I really want to go rock climbing! It's not fair! Why must all the activities take place on Wednesday, then I can't go for my CCA? Not fair! Sigh...hmm...I wish Eli or someone would go online and chat with me...I don't like to be alone...why Eli think she's irritating huh? If she thinks she's irritating, then won't I be irritated by her? Am I making sense? Nope...I'll just...clean up my room now...again...Munirah, please stop messing up your room...

xx

A gurgle of laughter emerges from my mouth. "Do you ever look anything less than perfect, Geraldine?"

Geraldine flicks her hair back and says, "Believe me, I look a mess, " but she's please because, like all girls who are perfectly groomed, below the perfection is a writhing mass of insecurity, and she like to hear that she's beautiful. It helps to her believe it.

I dreamt that Maria Ho actually came down during one of my lectures and scolded me for not paying attention. I got so angry that I wrote "I hate Maria Ho" all over my lecture notes and even broke my pencil in half...then later she asked me to see her after lesson and I remembered putting a pencil in my pocket so that I can break it later...

But the point is that I don't take Physics right now. Did the dream mean that the Cambridge people over at UK were marking my physics paper at that moment and I did so badly I got a D? Then why else would I suddenly dream about Physics? My results are going to be so bad, I just know it! Did I tell you...we were playing tarot cards during one of the free periods in school and my cards said that I'm facing destruction and might be facing it again...it could mean my O-levels results! Or it could have passed when my female albino hamster, Snowy, died 'cause it means my hamsters can't breed anymore...But it's still so scary! Ok, I'm not supposed to believe in tarot cards...bad bad Munirah...better forget about them...

Still...how are my results going to be? I don't think I can wait for another 2 whole months...my dreams would go haywire by then! (If it's true reality and dreams connect in that way...) Why oh why? I think about this everytime I've got nothing to think about...maybe that's why I need school so badly...to forget about all this...but at least I've got something to look forward to...

Sunday better come quick.

xx

Barbossa: Thank you, Jack.
Jack Sparrow: You're welcome.
Barbossa: Oh, not you. We named the monkey Jack.

Are you serious? He actually asked about me? HAHA! Well, of course he would. I did get the highest aggregate in his primary school...that reminds me...I haven't told Mrs Krishnan where I am yet...don't know when I'm going to...so anyway, do dreams and reality really connect in some way...'cause I was wondering why I dreamt about him and maybe it was just a coincedence that he asked about me at that time...haha! But what did he mean by "What happened?"? What about him huh? I heard he got almost the same aggregate as me what!

Gosh, is it that embarrassing to be in SRJC? I love it there! Ok, maybe it it cannot produce many people with 4 distinctions (hopefully I won't be one of them) but I'm still considering to stay...it's that great! And I met cute people too...and even joined rocmoc! I wouldn't have joined it if I were in Victoria, then I wouldn't have met all those nice but chiobu seniors...a lot of things might not have happened...

Oh well. We were supposed to introduce another person during malay class and my friend who introduced me said that I am a very responsible and confident person...seorang yang sugguh tanggungjawab dan yakin dalam diri sendiri...hearing it in malay really made it sound so...woah! Gosh...I was like trying to deny it kay...hah...imagine me being confident in myself...

Well, I'm a weird person. I'll start getting sick of school soon...I hope not...

Anyway, I'm going to watch Princess Diaries this Sunday! We better do...it's something I'm really looking forward to...other than meeting my RG friends of course...

But that question..."What happened?" Yes, Munirah, what happened? You've been avoiding that question since you got your Prelim results...the question people asked me and will continue asking...but then I do know what happened...just that everytime I think of it, I get this great feeling of terror that it will happen again...where will I go after I get my Os results? Even if I make it to the top 5, will it do me any good if I go there, or will I get the same fate as when I went RG? But if I don't, will I regret staying in SRJC and get not that many distinctions? The questions just keep coming...argh!

xx

All the cruelty and torment of which the world is full is in fact merely the necessary result of the totality of the forms under which the will to live is objectified. ~ Arthur Schopenhauer

Yeah, I went bouldering today! It is a part of rocmoc where you climb low, inclined walls without ropes, but there's mattress below lah. Only 4 who wanted extra training came...it's great! I just find rock climbing so fun! I kept thinking about it during tutorials...not really lah, but I did miss it. I just want to continue climbing! But then I need lots of rest after climbing because my arms will be totally exhausted.

Lalala...HAPPY NEW YEAR everybody! Have a great year of the monkey!

xx

Will Turner: Where's Elizabeth?
Jack Sparrow: She's safe, just like I promised. She's all set to marry Norrington, just like she promised. And you get to die for her, just like you promised. So we're all men of our word really... except for Elizabeth, who is in fact, a woman.

I find this so funny. Or at least I found it funny when the ustaz said it:

4 cara untuk masuk syurga tanpa bersolat/berpuasa/etc: -
1. Makan rezeki yang tidak diberi oleh Allah.
2. Tinggal di planet yang tidak dimiliki Allah.
3. Pergi ke tempat yang tidak diketahui Allah.
4. Jadi orang gila.

Quite interesting really...hehe...

Anyway, both my arms are aching from yesterday. I can't bathe properly 'cause I can't reach behind my back. My arms hurt if I do.

Oh, a mistake in my post before: I actually haven't read DV10 and DV13. My younger sister have read DS13 already. I really want to read but I get attracted to neopets whenever I come online...

I've got to go and collect my new pair of spectacles later (it's red this time!), but I haven't finished my tutorials yet...so I might not pick it up today after all.

xx

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
-Henny Youngman (1906-1998)

My primary school friend, Rena, actually saw my elder sister and her boyfriend holding hands! And my sister is totally denying it. Although last time, my aunts have seen them holding hands too. I can't believe her! My sister and her boyfriend must not see each other or they'll do stupid things for sure! Then again, I must not believe that my sister is that low...

Oh well, it's her problem.

Hmm...Eli sms me like everyday before and after school. It is so nice of her! We'll wish each other good morning then ask about the day at school and I find this kind of conversations very sweet...except that I have gone over the number of sms I'm supposed to have for one month...so now each sms will cost 5 cents more...oh dear...

xx

"Don't hate yourself in the morning. Sleep till noon."

Today had been a great day! I didn't know I could make so many friends in one day! I had rocmoc (rock and mountain climbing I think) orientation today. The station games were tough because we had to do like 39 push ups / sit ups at each station. But actually...I kinda miss those trainings 'cause we used to do them in red cross.

Other than station games, we get to climb the rock wall! I managed to reach all the way to the top twice, but I didn't have enough strength to complete the inclined one, where the wall is horizontal...and all the grips there are not nice to hold, so we need lots of arm strength. I don't know how I'm going to survive for the trainings, which I heard they had to climb up and down the wall ten times...actually I'm not sure if I can manage to stay in rocmoc 'cause there'll be a trial where some will get kicked out 'cause there's just too many recruits this year.

My school work, though, is not doing too good. I'm falling behind already in my tutorials...almost half my class have done them but I haven't. I must I must be disciplined and do my work! I must not sleep when I reach home from school 'cause I can't wake up for sure.

Talking about sleep, I dreamt about Salman two days ago. We were supposed to be at this gathering in Malaysia and he came. But when he reached there he left almost immediately and I got angry that he did. Haha. Whatever...I just haven't dreamt about him for a long time and I don't know why he suddenly came into my dreams. Haha!

Hmm...my younger sister though, seems to be feeling something for this guy called Shawn...oh well. I don't know much about that actually...hehe...

I better go do my tutorial now.

And I can't wait for the 31st!

xx

"You know, Draco," Hermione said, looking wearily at the fair-haired boy in the infirmary bed, "sometimes you make it awfully difficult."

"To resist my manly charms? Yes, I know," said Draco

~DT

Why do I keep changing my guestbook images? I always think the newest is nicer than the last...ok whatever.

Smallville is on now, on one of those Indonesian channels...sctv or something...

And my sis keeps saying she wants to use the computer...oh like I'd let her do that just so she can play pool with her bf...hahaha...I'm not unsupportive or anything, I'm just sick of hearing her mushy mushy words with her bf everytime they call each other.

The discipline teacher told us a story on how a boy in school was eating his noodles when suddenly an extra ingredient fell into it from the sky...bird poop. Nice. Then he mentioned how he wanted us to be disciplined and disnified people when we walk out the school gate on our graduation day...like hello, only first 10 days and you already talk about graduation day?

Hehe...I joined many CCAs...Tarian, ODAC, Rock and Mountain Climbing, and Heritage Club...gonna quit some...haha

Ok, my sis will kill me.

Oh, don't you love rainbows? My little sister was talking about a rainbow she saw in school the other day...she was so excited...don't know why...haha...Asperger's Syndrom...??

xx

"We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?" -Niels Bohr (1885-1962)

I'm assistant civics tutor rep, aka vice-chairperson of class, 'cause not many volunteered. I was so nervous when I was supposed to give that 30 second speech.

Why in the world did I just receive a hyper magazine from Ngee Ann Poly?

Oh well. Saturday gone...at least 3/4 of it...I don't know why I keep counting down like that.

Maybe 'cause my birthday is in 30 days time? Seriously, am I suffering from Asperger's Syndrome? I'm way overexcited about my birthday, and I have no idea why.

I'm kinda in a group of friends now, which Serene called G4. They are Serene, Danying and Yue Lian. Nice friends.

I like Serangoon JC a lot. I mean, it rocks! Firstly, the teachers are very caring and most of their speeches keep me awake in the hall...except for the principal's talk. And she knows her voice makes us go to sleep so she usually keep her talks short. Secondly, the students that come in are from a variety of schools, so the parade square is very colourful in the morning, and I doubt RJ and VJ is the same. Meridian aint very popular either. I heard the people there are unfriendly, and when my friend tried to appeal in, the teacher was like, "Did you know MJ's standard has risen up to 16 points?" I heard their principal is biased too. Although SRJC kinda accept the extras like us ('cause all those in my class had 20 points for L1R5), it's not that bad. I really feel like staying here. What's more we are now going through a little of the Sec 4 syllabus, so if I move to another school, it would be hard for me to catch up. I'm actually planning to move to Tampiness, but I have no idea how it's like there and I don't want to regret when I do move.

Why am I talking about this? There's still two more months to go.

I hate it when my mum sighs in front of me. I really didn't do anything. I mean, I didn't scream or shout at her, which is not easy. Whenever I feel like screaming, I'll lock myself in my room. So why must she sigh like that?

I wish I'm not so gloomy. I kinda get gloomy whenever I reach home...maybe because of my family? Though I'm not sure why. I like school. For now lah. Before the load of homework and the projects start. Friends are great. They make my day. And I can't wait to go over and watch Princess Diaries! I've got to go to my grandma's place now (father's side). We seldom go over there. I don't want to go there. But I have to. So I might as well make the best of it...though I better quickly eat dinner now so my mum won't shout again...actually she don't shout. She just speak in that demanding voice making me feel like a bad bad girl. Or maybe I'm just too sensitive.

xx

"One out of every four Americans is suffering from some mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."

Issit true? It's a joke, right?

Stupid blogger doesn't work. Oh well. Shamiah said to post for myself, not for others, so I will, although I have another blog for that.

Anyway, I realised I sound very horrible on my last post. I should be glad that I actually manage to enter a JC. I'm still the smartest in my family, since my little sister wants to go poly. And who cares if they say "waaaah..." when I say I'm from RGS, 'cause at least it seems to be less stressing than RJ, since I actually leave school at 1 instead of 6. And I even don't need to see all those faces I hate so much...I get to make new friends! Sigh, I don't really hate them. I'm just uncomfartable with them as well as all those bad memories...oh well...

I've been listening to the ROTK soundtrack and I just love it! Buying my first soundtrack is so exciting! Well, it'll probably be my last one too, since my parents don't like me to spend my money like that...but maybe I'll get the seventh HP movie one...I hate saying goodbye...and everything end just like that...

Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see
All of your fears will pass away

Safe in my arms
You're only sleeping

What can you see
On the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?

Across the sea
A pale moon rises
The ships have come
To carry you home
~Into the West, ROTK soundtrack

Sigh...that reminds me. I really really want to watch the Princess Diaries movie...if I ever get the urge to go and rent it or something...and Munirah, will you please stop messing up your room so you don't have to clean it up? Thank you.

Oh, a reminder for me: Red Cross Talentime 2004 will be held at Ulu Pandan CC, which is near Holland Rd, and is this coming Sunday and next Sunday.

xx

"I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally."

1st day of school gone. Orientation was so boring that I'm looking forward to that slow dance we are going to learn on Monday. The principal was like saying that we should make our three months here the best, since she knew most of us didn't put SRJC as our first choice. I mean, duh. Who would want to go to Serangoon huh? It's my 5th choice for goodness sake! I so can't wait for the first three months to be over.

Boring principal talk, boring discipline head talk, who said discipline=care, boring ice-breakers, or should I say ice-breaker, since we only played one game? The only exciting thing? When aeroplanes fly past the building. I counted five I think. I didn't know the airport was so near, 'cause the aeroplanes were very noisy. At least it ended at 1p.m., and we were all somehow exhausted by then. Hmph. And the reason the principal said was that she didn't want us to go home tired, but happy. Oh, she also mentioned that she didn't want us to go home at one but to walk around the school and talk to the teachers or JC2s...whatever...like I have no one to 'walk around' with?

I didn't like have a partner 'cause we were sitting in two lines and somehow the girls end up at the front while the guys at the back. Every girl had a partner but me...why must they have an uneven number of girls?? So anyway, I sat with a guy, who didn't even make a conversation with me, so I just sat there quietly. What's more we were sitting for a whole half hour waiting and waiting, doing nothing at all. Sigh.

I did miss the rgs air-conditioned hall though. I'm not dependant on air-con, but it's still very sad...and noisy. Not because the JC2s were noisy but because the fans were. And I miss sitting at the front too 'cause since from sec 1 to 4 I have been sitting at the front...

There was also one cheer where they copied the raffles one. Ok, I think raffles copied too but still...the one which goes
north-south-east-west who's the best? R-A-F-F-L-E-S!
sounds nicer than
north-south-east-west who's the best? SRJC is the best!
right???

But the orientation shirt was nice. And we got a metal waterbottle too, plus a file and a towel and a pen which does NOT WORK! Sigh...

Ya, there was one rgs girl but she's not in my OG. She was from 404, which I vaguely remembered hearing many from there got above 20 points. Oh well.

That's it for my 1st day. Thrilling, huh?

xx

"It's not that I wish any harm to the guy, I'm just saying I could happily sit by while someone knocks his head off."