I am really worried. I was excited at first but now I'm worried.

I'm afraid if I'll embarass myself or make myself look stupid. Like that time in OBS when I actually volunteered to be in charge of something, the raft-building I think. I don't know why I did that but I ended up making people irritated 'cause I didn't contribute much, didn't take note of the the time, and didn't help them come to a solution or something like that. What if I do that again?

Then in OBS I also did that stick-to-someone thing like I did with Liyana. I don't know whether I annoyed the person for following her around wherever she goes, but if I did, gosh did I look stupid!

I really want to look forward to the orientation, but I don't know...there are also the boys and I must be prepared to be holding hands with them or lying on them or something, like the ones in the pictures of orientation shown. Maybe it's only in rj but then...sigh, I bet most don't even think of this.

Right, Munirah. You must not irritate or annoy people, although I've been trying hard not to since I was born. But then I still did it, like the time I kept pestering Eunice for the lotr vcd...

Why must I only remember the bad memories and not the good ones? Why am I so worried over this? I was so worried about my Os but yet I didn't do anything about it. Maybe it's because I'm worried and ignorant at the same time. But really...you'd think someone who worries so much might actually be so careful that she does a very good job at everything. Like how you'd think a quiet person like me might actually be smart, listening to the lessons instead of talking so much. But guess what? Diam-diam ubi berisi, diam-diam besi berkarat. I'm the 'besi'.

...Maybe I should be more confident, you know? Instead of being so worried and distressed...

xx

"If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it."

I haven't been online much these days because my younger sister keeps using it, and for what? To read Draco Trilogy. Ya, sure it's fun and everything, hearing her laugh and recalling all the funny parts of the story, but really, it's getting a bit irritating 'cause she won't let me use the computer! And then there's my older sister who keeps wanting to play bloody pool with her boyfriend online. I can't use the computer peacefully without having them standing behind me and casting shadows over the screen. Then there's my mother who has just finished her computer course and wants to use it too! I so want a labtop of my own...

Then again, why am I complaining when I won't be doing anything usefull online? Not that I'd be doing anything usefull offline...

Except maybe staring at my fishes. Ok, it's not useful, but it's pretty interesting...somehow. I didn't know feeding fishes can be so fun. I mean, I can sit in front of the fish tank for a whole half an hour. Actually only about 15 minutes staring at the goldfishes, then 10 minutes staring at the lohan, then another 5 minutes staring at the baby goldfishes.

Yap, my goldfishes laid eggs again, and so we moved them to a new tank and now they've hatched! I didn't really count but I think it's about 15-20 babies. So cute!

I wish my caterpillars would start appearing again though. I guess it's not mating season for the butterflies...

At least I passed my Perdaus.

But the three resolutions for next year? Hah. Resolution no. 2)Never ever mess up my room ever again. I must always pick up after myself. Hah! My room is quite messy now. I tried cleaning it up but it still looks pretty bad. I spend like half the holidays cleaning up my room and it's still messy. Ok, I'm exagerating, but it really is. I wish I make better use of my time...

Well, Shamiah's holidays have been rather fruitfull. Mine haven't. All I did was play Monopoly with my sisters (which my older sister keeps asking for breaks so she can call her boyfriend, and she's the banker too). Then next week is Christmas and my family will be at Malaysia from Wednesday to Saturday night. Then school starts.

I really should start doing something.

xx

"From the moment I picked your book up to the moment I set it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend to read it."

Chandler-Donald Duck: from the Friends show. I got it online actually. So cute right?

So anyway, Saddam's captured. I got interested in what others have got to say:

"they should use him for nuclar practice
After all, there is only one country in the world that has deliberately killed people with nuclear weapons...usa usa usa usa..."

and then the arguments start:

"Why would they need a dictatorship in the us? The big corporations and the rich have figured out how to run things while keeping the facade of a "democracy". A neat trick..."

"And if the us is so against dictatorships, why are they allies to saudi arabia? Why did the us help overthrow the elected government in chile and replace it with...a dictatorship? Why doesn't the us go into sudan, burma, north korea, or any of the other countries where the government abuses its people (could it be because of a lack of oil?)"

"If bush attacked all terrorist countrys, he wouldn't be attacking iraq, but instead he would attack the U.S. But his "war on terrorism" isn't going to include the U.S just like everything else. Thats why the U.N is getting mad at the U.S."

"You want to know what I think? I think Bush had already gotten Saddan a long time ago but never said that so he could keep playing the world-savior-hero. Now that reelections time is coming he simply take Hussein out of his hat an present it to his people againg trying to play the "big boss" "

but I like this one:

"If Al Gore was in there would have been no Golf war 2! Where did this Iraq thing come from? Bush probably woke up one morning and said. War"

then there are the sad stories on the war:

"i hated it because my dad went but omg hes comein home he'll be here in 3 days i just heard from my mom yehh"

"I will honestly pity my brother, if the whole war does turn out to be for oil. The only thing that keeps him going over there is the thought that he is making a differance to the Iraqi people. He sent me a picture just a few days ago, of a little Iraqi girl hugging him. He wept over that.
I don't agree with the war. but I will defend my brother. Some say he is the equivilant of a terrorist,but..."

Sigh...got all these from the Neopets chat boards. I don't know what to say really.

xx

Maybe this world is another planet's hell. - Aldous Huxley

My mum...I went to McDonalds to eat with her today, and when she finished, she pour out the ice from the cup and washed her hands with them right there. Embarassing! Ok, there wasn't really that many people there 'cause it's still early, but still, there's the toilet, you know. And what's the tissue for?

Sheesh...anyway, I found out from Voyage to the Future that there is about 7 trillion calories of food that the earth can offer. And they calculated that at Singapore's average consumption of calories, the earth can only support 5.3/5.4 billion people instead of 6.3 billion people (the current earth population). That's only Singapore. Other countries like India's rate of consumption can support more people.

Anyway, the point is that we in Singapore should consume less. Like, hello? I'm a bit underweight and they are still expecting me to eat less? I hardly even eat breakfast these days, 'cause my mum hardly cooks. So it's not my fault if the earth's food supply is totally over-consumed, issit?

I sound like Mia Thermopolis in the Princess Diaries...except that I'm not doing anything about it.

Guilt?

xx

"There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life." - Frank Zappa

17th Dec...5 more days...TTT...then there's the results for the JCs...I keep thinking I might just end up with my 12th choice or something...and that's the Arts stream! Well, I difinitely can't get my 1st choice...sigh...anyway, when my aunts & uncles visited me, they did ask whether I can enter JC or not...luckily I can...imagine if I had to say no...

When my aunt and uncle visited yesterday, somehow we happened to talk about getting jobs. They said when getting a job, it's not about making money. The three things you have to consider is
1) Can you manage it?
2) Do you like it?
3) What is you're contribution to the community?
So really, all the time I thought making money is the most important factor...that's what my mum had been saying since young, to be a doctor so that we can become rich and live in a bungalow blahblahblah. But then being a doctor also doesn't mean we'll be rich. Only specialists are the rich ones. Even if I do want to become a doctor, they said being a malay would affect me too. There was one malay who applied to become one and his parents were also interviewed, not only him alone. I'm not sure about that though.

One relative of mine who had a pilot's degree couldn't get the job as he was taught overseas or something. It is important that we follow the institutions that the goverment approve to get that pilot's degree to become a pilot.

What job am i going to get? What does my future have in store for me? I guess the only thing I can do now is to study study study. I'll have to compete against those from China, US and other foreigners, so I have to work hard. Like what Jaime said, Let's work hard. And Liyana and I promised each other to study extra hard in JC, so I will.

I'm just scared. What if I make all this promises and in the end, I don't keep them? Like how I promised to work hard when I found out I was going to RGS four years ago, and yet I didn't? Why must time fly so fast? Almost half of December is gone and soon...soon...well, you know, JC...

xx

Am I a professor? Goodness. I expect I was hopeless, was I? -- Lockhart

"the trees are all cut down :( those across the road from my estate. all just to build the new mrt line and interchange. i can see the devastation from here. it hurts."
I almost cried. I didn't even see the devastation and I almost cried...It kind of hurts me...I'm torn between the fact that we have to develop, and the fact that the trees are all dying! It's not fair! Those poor trees...and imagine the squirrels in those trees. I mean, if you look outside the window of some of the classrooms in RGS, you can see one or two squirrels running up the tree trunk! If one tree is a home to one squirrel, how many squirrels have died in the building of the new mrt line and interchange??? ...Argh! I can't help it!

Sigh...

Sigh...

Life is not fair...

Sigh...

Get over it Munirah.

...okaaay...

Well, my Perdaus exams are over. Finally! I think I'm going to fail again, like I did last year. You know what? I'm going to make three new resolutions for next year:
1) Never ever study last minute ever again.
2) Never ever mess up my room ever again. Must always always pick up after myself.
3) Never ever miss any solat ever again.
I've never really made new year resolutions. Even if I did, it was one just for the sake of it, knowing I'll never keep to it. This time, it's sirius. I mean, serious.

"Flies, Padfoot. Flies." I keep writing that phrase just to keep Sirius alive. I'm nuts.

It's not even 17th Dec & I'm already thinking of the new year...2004...wow...soon, I'll be writing this: 9th February 2004. 63 more days!

But first, there's 17th Dec. I really want to know when my results are coming out. And of course, The Return of the King.
I also want to know my Perdaus results. The sooner I know I fail, the better...I think.

I better go finish up Princess Diaries and return them to Shamiah when she gets back...

And Shamiah, I actually meant quotes for the bottom of each of my entry, not hp quotes!

xx

Chandler: "You know what's weird. Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always put a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?"