Hello. I am telling my penpal all my damn problems & I feel guilty. But he never tells me anything about himself anyway, like what he does, what is happening in his world, etc. I mean, he's getting a little boring. Maybe I'll tell him that. You know, he uses his full name on the Internet. He doesn't need to worry about anything. So should I be suspicious? What if he never tells me anything because I never tell him anything useful which could help me find him? Ok, enough about him

So, I haven't added a guestbook so nobody can respond to me. Should I leave it that way? Or am I too afraid of their feedback? I can already hear the teasing by Tommy (my imaginary friend): "Scardy-cat! Scardy-cat! Mumu is a scardy-cat!" Btw, he acts childish sometimes, so ignore him.

The only reason I where my belt so tight is because I'm too lazy to make it lose. The only reason I where my belt so high is because my waist is built that way. The only reason I act so good is because there is nothing act bad about. I live for the sake of living. I could die if I want to but it's not my ajal yet,so I have to wait. It's not my fault. Nothingis my fault. But my conscience is telling me that it is. The very fact that I'm standing here on this planet is the reason Liyana complains so much about Jia Wen. I'm not saying I hate this. Because it is my destiny to see Stephanie being so thin & me getting a headache out of it. So I'm not complaining. I'm just stating down my thoughts & letting it all go. Don't think I'm angry. Don't think I'm mad. Don't think I'm crazy, cuz all the things I told Jia Wen just now was a lie. Almost all the things I tell everybody is a lie, down to the specific details. My whole life is a lie. There is not truth in nothing. Words are just words & do not mean a thing to what truly lies in your heart. And actions aer just things you do to avoid something else. That's why I do not believe anything I see or hear or read. That's why I do not care so much about Stephanie. It may be a fact, it may be a lie. I do not see the worst in it. I cannot see the best in it. I may care when I feel like it, I may not when I don't.

Everything is giving me a damn headache. Why must the world be so hard? Why must the world have so many problems? Why must everybody despise everybody else? Biy, now I really hate the stupid girl who opened the pandora box. Why must Stephanie be so thin? Why must Liyana be so fat? Why must Shamiah be so smart? Why must Elizabeth be so childish & irritating? Why must Jia Wen be so weak? Why must all strong & rich people be so selfish & mean? And why can't I just not care? Why does everybody bother to? So what if I want to die? So what if Stephanie do not want to? Why does Jia Wen have to be so busy body & come in? Like me? Stupid idiots. All the stupid pathetic idiots in the world. So what if Jia Wen is pathetic? So what if I am? So what if all our closes friends are? DO NOT give me the answer cuz I DON"T WANT TO KNOW!!! I do not care! Don't you see? Don't anybody ever see? I do not care about schoolwork. I do not care about people's feelings. I do not care about my family. I do not care if I die or not. I do not care & I do not WANT to care! What the hell is it with everybody? I do not have to face this!

That pandan cake made me have stomachache! (Now that really rhymes, Shamiah.) Hamtaro is so cute. I still haven't started studying for Geography. I so hate myself. Bet Jasmine or at least Tian have started. Damn. When am I going to start my Malay Essay too?

Oh, that reminds me. My Perdaus exams today was bad. Very bad. I might just fail. I failed my first semester exams. Why didn't I study? I ask myself over & over again. What is it with all this studying? I don't even know how to study. I want to. I have to. I mean, if Jean can love studying, why can't I? Okay Jean, you are going to be my idol now. For 'O' levels sake.

Oh, you should just watch Hamtaro! The song itself is so cute! And the finale song with the hamster dancing...argh! I wished I have a hamster. I wish I have a cat. I watched one today while waiting for Ayah. Then another one came, a younger & more restless one. One which is also gets frightened more easily. I was dangling my wallet keychain & the older one was watching it with it's head moving up, down, left, right as I moved my keychain. It's so cute! I want a cat for a pet!

Okay, Medabots is on now. I don't know why I love battle shows, like Pokemon, Medabots & Beyblade. It's just exciting to see the great action & always seeing new stuff & also trying to expect the unexpected with that never happening. Actually, Beyblade is still new & not much excitement about it yet. The turning top all makes it look so boring.

Oh, you people whould also read Felidae on the Road by dunno-who. I never keep note of the authors. Btw, the book is great! SO many unexpected things happening & the ending is the greatest shock which I still find hard accepting. Talks about human & animals relationships but mostly the bad side of it. The first person is a cat & I when I tried to read it in primary five, I could never understand it well. But it is so great. All the quotes & all...Now I have no book to read. I should call Shamiah & remind her to bring the Malay book. Can I actually imagine myself reading a Malay book? What a sad life I'm living.

Scary. What is with all the people nowadays? Some are jumping for joy. But most are sniffling & feeling depressed, for those who did badly & also those who get 80+%. Hate my life. I told my father I'm becaoming rebellious & I like it. Is that throug? I do not know. I say it just because I didn't know what else to say. Damn. Even Shamiah has a blog. The sound of the typing of the keys. I should be studying right now. I hate myself. The bottom of my mirror broke today. Now I'm going to have 7 years bad luck. What the hell. Like I care. I thought my whole life is already cursed. Have I mentioned I hate my life. Hey, I did this during HML class:

A story I was writing
A story I'll write now
A story of a little girl
Who had no feelings at all

Friends she has
Laughter she enjoys
But one thing she's missing
Is not loving the life she's living

Why? she keeps asking
Wishing she knows
What's wrong with me I wonder
Couldn't be the Monday blues

Hate my life
That's what she feel
Jealousy & hatred
That's what she feel

But it's wrong, isn't it?
All the burning anger & fear
Why can't I be like them?
The ones I admire?

Tears flowing down her cheek
While the anger course through her veins
Clenching, unclenching her fists
As she stares at the past she had

Once a long time ago
She had dreamt to be the perfect girl
Once a long time ago
She had hoped as she revolved around the world

Later...
She's lost & lonely
Without the hope by her side
Later...
She doesn't want to live
She wants to hide & let everything die

But that is wrong, isn't it?
The feeling of dying
The feeling of givng up
She wants to continue living
For the sake of keeping it up

God, please help me
If you are even there
I'm loosing myself
I need someone's love & care

The love did came
The hugs & kisses
But she pushed it all away
As if she doesn't deserve it

It's just wrong
Weird you can say
How can you hug someone
Who you've never seen before?

Lost again she felt all week
Her grades are going down
Her parents are weird to her
Her sisters do not care for her

She sat by the seaside
As she tried to figure it out
But time would never let her
Time just grabbed her as it passed by

Lying on her bed that night
Wondering what was wrong
But something else happened that night
Something she had never longed...

i'm tired. My mum's gonna kill me. Ok, maybe not. I hate people with such wide vocabulary. Not. I realised hate is not such a bad word. What are words anyway? Something to describe yourself? Something to be mistook for our real feelings. Whatever it is, i do not care...i just wanna dig myself in a hole & stay there for the rest of my life. Boy, depression is great.

in order to pass, you will hav to mug:
pg 1 to 3
pg 4 and 5 (not in detail)
pg 6 to 11 ( in more detail)
pg 20
pg 34 to 36
pg 37
pg 39

hello. I'm so sick & tired of hearing all this pple talk about. wats the deal with this pop life & when izzit gonna face out? Neopets. Harry Potter. I've got nothing to say. Elizabeth beside me. The internet suddenly so slow. I got nothing to do. Gosh, I just love this encounter lab computers! And I want a draik! I love dragons! I suddenly found they are si beautiful! found a peanut. found a peanut. found a peanut last night. last night I found a peanut. found a peanut last night. okay, tt's it for the day.

I'm bored. What should I do? The GameBoy is with Maryam & the Internet is too slow to be played with. No exciting books to read. Even Harry Potter is getting boring. I hate him, Harry Potter. He is just a lucky git who gets to be The Boy Who Lived. Why does people like him I do not know. Well, each to their own opinion I guess. My Physics paper today was horrible. I felt happy after the first paper because I at least got to make a choice on which answer to choose, unlike Biology, which I eenie-meenie-mynie-mo towards the end. Argh! But then later I did not get to finish Paper II. I felt so frustrated! I hate my time management & that is not the first time I said that. I just hope I do not fail. I have never failed an exam paper before in my life & if this is going to be the first time...well, then let it be. I deserve it anyway. ::sigh:: Then after that Liyana & I went to eat downstairs. I met Shamiah & Liyana went off with Fairuz & Anisah. I felt sad. Not at that time, no. Only when I think back about it. What a sad life. My Malay paper didn't go off that good either. I hate myself when I feel that mood. I had always been following my moods throughout my whole like & I guess that is one of the thing I want to change. But when I think again, if I do not follow my moods, what am I to follow? I follow my moods & I feel okay with it. I do not care about what happens in the end, because sometimes I feel I cannot fight my mood. Oh, I do not know...what is going to happen? Nobody knows. All we can do is plan...I still haven't figured out what to do. Sleep? Eat? Drink? Sit & stone? That does not sound bad.

http://elfwood.lysator.liu.se/elfwood.html

I know I like Pokemon. I like neopets. I like dragons. I like games. I like GameBoy. I feel like a guy talking here. I had once wished that I was a guy.

There is a crack in everything;
That's how the light gets in.
-Leonard Cohen

well, tt's wat everybody's saying, right?

I got nothing to say except that I'm gonna die for my chemistry. oh yeah, & em, am, geog, phy, bio, hml, el & ss.

wat?

Okay, might as well start typing. I'm now gonna write down my thoughts. Or type down. Gr8. Do i have to pay for this thing? Geez, I so love talking to myself. Well, I have to go study now. Lalalala...

hello. a blogspot of my own? wow. amazing. what in the world does kaimisuki mean anyway?