Quackers. liyana thinks the part at the top of my webpage is ugly because of the way the words appear on the dark red background. I never noticed. I am so unobservant. But heck. jw, take note of tt when u make more backgrounds for me, kay?

I am going overseas tomorrow! Wow, that sounded like I'm going to Australia or something. When all I'm going to is Genting for 3 days. Getting bored of that place, but at least there's a big, air-con room with big comfy bed & big bathtubs & carpeted floors...I like hotels. I'm leaving at 1a.m. in the morning for my dad to send us over since he is still working now. I so need a break. Sadly, I still haven't really started on AM. I can't stand Maths. I wish I could, but can't. I haven't started on holiday homework either. Same old, same old. Sigh.

I still haven't watch LOTR!!! I wanna watch! I wanna watch! I wanna watch! But I'm too lazy to walk out of the house. Sigh. Pathetic. The reason I really need to watch LOTR is because I wanna start getting excited by the Matrix! The two sequels are coming up in 2003 & I can't wait! I can't believe Newsweek released the plot! Why did I read it? I so can't wait! My 3 favouritest movies all in a row. HP, LOTR, & Matrix. Quackers.

Yeerks:
"They're a parasiticspecies, not very big or impressve to look at, just these slug-like things that can enter you head through your ear. They have a capacity to anesthetize the inner ear enough to allow them to burrow through the soft tissue. It still hurts but not as much as it should.
They dig their way straight to your brain and then flatten themselves out, spread themselves down into the crevices, tie directly into your synapses. They take control. Absolute control.
They read your thoughts, they sense your emotions. What your eyes see, they see. What your tongue tastes, they taste. If your hand moves, it's because they moved it. If you speak, it is the yeerk who has spoken through you, made you into a ventriloquist's dummy.
Over the sourse of years they spread like a virus. Invisible. Undetectable.
They are your teacher, your pastor, you best friend. They are the police officer, the TV news-man, the soldier. Anyone."

Stupid. Now I can't see what's on my blog. It can't seem to refresh itself. Same problem as Shamiah. Damn.

A Dogglefox is a cute little petpet from Neopets. It looks like something in between a dog & a fox. Don't you all ever play Neopets anymore? Sigh. And why is only the monkey signing my guestbook these days? I really don't feel like updating my blog anymore unless people read it. And how am I suppose to know if they don't sign my guestbook, right?

I am so scared for myself. What's happening to me? I never eat anything these days. I've been fasting for the past few days & I only eat like one meal a day, because I'm too tired to wake up in the morning. But I can't even finish a plate of rice. Eat half of it and leave therest to my mother. I can't even eat fast food like I used to. Eat 3/5 of it then feel like vomiting. I don't even feel hungry in the morning. I see people eat but drool don't feel my mouth like it used to. The last time I went to see my P6 teacher she told me I'm very very thin. Sigh. I just want to die.

You know what? If I ever were to be taken over by the stupid yeerks, I wouldn’t bother resisting. I mean, what’s the point? I am already living a very sad and useless and boring life. If a yeerk were to take control of my body, I would ever be so grateful. That way, I wouldn’t need to make stupid dicisions anymore. The yeerk would make all the decisions for me.

Damn, a thought just came. If I were not to resist from the yeerk, that meant I'm helping them take over Earth faster. I should have resisted then I could have escaped & form a resistant force or something. If I don't resist, the fall of mankind would happen & it'll be my fault. Sigh again.

"Darkness breaks, Moon awakes.
Night now brings the stars it makes.
Moon beams fall, Light up all.
From silvery woods there comes a call.

Grayish blur, Shaggy fur.
Food is this night creatures lure.
Brown deer, Very near.
It is brought down full of fear.
Deadly bite, Very tight.
Every wolf will feast tonight."

Why are they all so against me helping my own yearmates? I can’t stand it, you know. I just don’t know. So should I help them or not? I feel so helpless. I mean, I see them trying as hard as they can…or at least I think I see. And then there I am not contributing my own efforts. I feel damn guilty. Yet my own relativse are telling me to ignore them. I guess I should. But I can’t ignore the guilty feeling. If I were in their shoes, I know I would find it difficult to handle the kind of stuff they handle. But still, it’s like they are very close together and I feel that with it being that way, they can get more things done than I ever could alone. I am getting lost here typing my thoughts down. Oh well, let it be, I guess. If it’s my family holding me back, it’s not my fault that I don’t help them, right?

Let's take the chair as example. She's very very enthu in her CCA. She actually likes doing them and her parents don't mind. But she's really slacking in her school work. So is that good for her, or bad?

Hey, I've got a Dogglefox! He's so cute! And he looks like Elvis when I make his hair stand up. Hehe.

I haven't started studying yet. Why am I so not worried about my AM? I get like 26% lor...I'm so damn tired. I'm tired of studying. I'm tired of watching TV. I'm tired of reading books. I'm tired of waking up. I'm tired of eating breakfast. I'm tired of travelling that long distance to school. And before long, I will be travelling the exact same distance and route to take my 'O's.

I've finished Badai Semalam and it was such a drama story. I can't believe his husband died. What a jerk. Ashik minum air setan je...then the wife also don't want to give a second chance. But then again, if my husband beat me up like thatm I'll probably hate him forever too. Sigh, what a sad life she had. Anyway, how am I going to return the book to shamiah? It's a bit the tattered and torn already. It's been through hail and shine and been thrown around from one corner of the house to the other...though my house is quite small actually...

"Tidak. Aku lahir bukan untuk menyeksa hati orang. Tapi kalau kau merasa terseksa maka itu bukan salah aku. Cuba menyalahi diri sendiri. Dan juga belajar kenal diri sendiri." ~ Mazni

"Selalu Mazni menangis. Menangis...dan terus menangis, sepuas hati. Biar lepas segala yang terbuku, tersengkang di lubuk hati. Baginya, menangislah salah satunya jalan keluar untuk melapangkan sesak di dada." ~ Badai Semalam oleh Khadijah Hashim

Hee...sorry jw. Blame you for no reason. But I really have no idea what you're talking about. What in the world is an image FILE & image HOST? What's the difference? But it is VERY nice. Don't ya'all just love the background? It's damn cool, kanz? I like it lots. Feel like I owe jw so much. Thanks again. You should give me a lesson some day.

And sham, that lose monkey in my guestbook is some lost girl called Pamela who just escaped from the zoo. Why don't you visit her blog? She loves Draco Malfoy like hell.

Oh & how could Derek & Drew get eliminate? They are too cute! Okay, not. My sis insisted they are. But I really thought they could win the race. Why are they so stupid? Follow Flo around blindly & assuming here & there. I can't believe them! But the way they have to go back to the other side & all...it's just so sad...I hate those brotheres Ken & Gerard. They owe Flo big one. And Flo is another one. Who ask her to share info with those jerks? Idiots. Pathetic idiots all of them. This way, the old people might just win. Whatever in the world are they going to do with the money?

And oooh...you should see my fishes! My gold fish actually laid eggs! My younger sis found them & was wondering what they were. When baby fishes came out of it, she was so excited! And you should see them! They are less than 1 mm long & they are so teeny tiny! They swim funnily, like jelly fishes. And they don't look like gold fishes at all! They are such cutie pies!

"I have so many different people inside of me I don't know which one to bring forth."

Why is it everytime I try to do something, it turns out to be wrong? Especially when I gave an idea then everybody followed it but in the end it was the wrong idea so everybody had to re-do the whole thing with a better idea and they don't even let me help them do it because I suppose they are afraid I will do the wrong thing again.

And I am so sick & tired of watching & listening & smiling & laughing without actually saying a word. I want to be brave & give out my thoughts but I don't know how! It's damn irritatingz living everyday in fear of giving out the wrong thoughts. 3 days in a row! I thought I could die of jealousy. Of watching all of them & listening & smiling & laughing...

Ok, enough of bad thoughts. Let's think of dirty thoughts...On Tuesday we rc people had a combined RI & RGS Games Day thingie & it was a whole day thing. As always, there was disco at night & we had music & flashing lights & dancing & stuff. We were at the ri hall on stage & it was a big crowd. We were all crazy that night with the ri guys fooling around & doing stupid moves. Then two of the guys went off stage to the middle of the empty hall floor & started doing a stripties dance to the music. Too bad they stripped only their upper half because after that, some of the girls ran down & grabbed their T-shirts then ran off, laughing all the way. The guys ran off towards the back of the hall & hid behind the squash courts, embarrased or playing I don't know. Then more girls came down & chased after them with their camera & everybody was laughing like hell. While they chased them, other girls were having a tug-of-war with the stripties' T-shirts against the ri guys. We were fighting like hell too. It was crazy. In the end, we managed to chase those half-naked guys & took their candid picture. But then they stopped & said, "No, wait. We must pose." So they act all macho, showing off their biceps & stuff (& one of them had real good-looking ones). Like I said, it was one crazy night.

"There was no past & no future, only an eternal hovering in the presence of static bliss." ~ Felidae on the Road by Akif Pirinci

"Honor has not to be won; it must only not be lost." ~ Arthur Schopenhauer

First, I hate my sister.

Second, we finally have BroadBand! Unlimited hours! Finally!

Third, I am probably not going to start DV very soon. I need to take a break. Too many hp stuff & I'll burst. And I get bored of stuff very easily.

Forth, the first day of Hari Raya was actually great! The trip to my paternal grandma's house was not as bad as other years. Why? Because I get to talk to my cousin. Okay, stupid reason. I have this cousin same age as me but of the opposite sex. And usually, cousins of the opposite sex usually get further & further away from us as we grow. And that's the case. I've always missed those old days when we run around playing catching during Hari Raya and challenging each other to who can spit the furthest. But we grew & we don't talk to each other anymore. But this year, at my grandma's house, we & my sisters get down to play Monopoly. None of us really knew how to play it & so we made our own rules. It's pretty much crap but during the time we play, we get to really talk. So that day, I found out lots of stuff about him & his schoolwork & stuff. And I found out he's in Photog too, which is pretty hard to believe. He's very tall & big sized, I thought he'd be in football or something. So we actually managed to talk, tease & laugh at each other, which is a great change. We actually didn't want to leave my grandma's house. Ha, it was a great day. Didn't know a game of Monopoly could change so much.

Another difference between this year & other years is we actually go to more than two houses on the first day of Syawal. Usually we go to only two houses, my grandma's & my grandma's. This year we went to two more houses together with our aunts & uncles & cousins from the maternal side. And we had more fun & more money too! Money money money!!!

Yesterday, I just found out that I had one more cousin than I thought. My aunt just gave birth a few days ago, & now she has five children. Now I have two aunts with five children. I'm starting to lose count of the number of cousins I have. Last time, I was very close to all my cousins & see them more than once a year. Now there's just too many to count.

I have this cousin who I lost contact with a few years also too. When I saw her yesterday, she's changed so much. She's only a year younger than me but very very much more matured. I suppose she should be. She's the eldest of four siblings. She's working shifts now at Takashimaya & I didn't even know. She's very beautiful too. She knows how to wear make up & her tudong is all nice & neat, even after she woke up from her nap at my grandma's place. I miss her. I miss the old times we had when we played with our baby dolls & cooking pots & stuff. She's grown so much. I hate growing up. Too many things to handle, too many to think about. I'd rather take it slowly, one day at a time.

Oh, and fifthly, I can't wait for LOTR part 2 the movie!!!

"Nature shows that with the growth of intelligence comes increased capacity for pain, and it is only with the highest degree of intelligence that suffering reaches its supreme point." ~ Arthur Schopenhauer

"Umm...what day is it again? Anyway, I can tell you one thing. It's all going to go by in a flash & before you know it, the 'O' levels are here."

I am so tired. I almost finish reading Draco Sinister. I actually cried at the part when I thought Harry died. You know the part when they were in the adamantine cell, Slytherin was advancing towards Draco & Draco took out his sword. Then Slytherin grabbed Harry & pushed his body through that sword? I was so surprised. I didn't want to believe Harry really died. I was like Woah! The way the author built the tension was great. She should actually publish the story into a book. I bet she would've earn a lot.

But there's still some stuff I do not understand. Like how I thought Draco had two Epylical charm. So now one is with Harry, but where's the other one? Hmm...maybe it'll be answered in the last chapter.

Damn. Have I mentioned that I hate my life? How could Harry not hate his? He mentioned something to Draco about how he never ever thought of wanting to die or kill himself, not even once. Argh! My life is sO obsessed with Harry Potter! I'll talk about something else now.

I love the Animorphs. Marco is so damn funny. I was reading one of the books in the MRT just now & I almost burst out laughing at his stupid jokes & sarcasm. I was smiling like crazy reading the book, & I wasn't worried then but now I'm afraid if the people in the MRT find me nuts. Sigh...the war against the yeerks is so serious, yet Marco can find humour in them. I never get tired of reading the books over & over again. What's more, the end of the Animorphs was quite surprising. I've never imagined the Andalites could be so arrogant.

Supposed to have training this Saturday. I'm NCO. Again. I didn't realise that this Saturday would be the day after Hari Raya. How could I be so absorbed in red cross that I don't realise Hari Raya?

' "I can imagine some pretty bad things." Draco accomplished a one-shouldered shrug. "Come on, I’ve seen Severus Snape’s pajamas. Nothing can terrify me."

Without thinking, she (Fleur) reached out and seized his wrist. "I’m serious."

"So am I." There was a feverish malicious amusement in his silver-black eyes as he looked at her. "Those pajamas, they had little hearts on them. It was horrible." ' ~ Draco Sinister

I got a dream during my afternoon nap just now. Wanna guess what it was? Haha! It's so funny!!! Wait till ya hear.

First I was at a camp. Then later after lights out, I escaped from camp just to go to...the war in neopia! There was this evil person (which was so cartoon), & I was spying on him. I found out one of his plans, & went back to camp. Then when I realise what was happening, I realised one of his plans is to mate us. (I probaby got this idea from Draco Sinister, ' "Both of us in one room, one bed...what are you trying to do? We’re not cocker spaniels, you know. You can’t just go around....mating us." ' ~ Draco to Slytherin ) So we were all given a partner to mate with. Guess who my partner was? Fairuz! Hahaha! Fairuz from Perbayu...you know...the one in our year? Haha! So, anyway, we were given a room to 'mate' aka have sex in. I guess we were inexperienced in it, or we were delaying or something because all I remembered was us touching each other's noses. Then I woke up. Hahaha! That was the stupidest dream I have ever had!

And nO, I do NoT have a crush on Fairuz. It's probably just because she came over to my house on Friday, so I dreamt of her. Don't think dirty thoughts. And anyway, I have better gals to have a crush on.

Yesterday we went to Johor to buy baju kurung together with my grandma & auntie & uncle & 2 cousins, 1 a baby. He's so cute! He's grown so much since the last time I saw him. I tried to carry him around but he's SO heavy already. Or maybe I'm just a weak, pathetic little kid. He can't stay still, you know? And he's baby talk is so cute! He's SO excited when we go travelling & love to be carried around. And what's cuter is when he suddenly laugh his cute little laugh, laughing over nothing, so we all join him laughing. Cutie-pie!

Anyway, my family got clothes one set for the family. The one we ordered was yello & pink. Pink! Again! We got pink last year too...*whines* There's too many pink in my closet. But this time, Ayah got pink too! Ayah is wearing pink this year! Haha! Can't wait to see it on him.

“Charlie was never actually sure exactly what it was that suddenly woke him up in the middle of that night. Later, he would think it was a vague feeling of uneasiness, the sense that all was not right with the world. More likely, it was a sudden craving for chocolate biscuits.” ~ Draco Sinister Chapter 12 – The Persistence of Memory