I'm going malaysia tomorrow...yeah the same old place I go every year...having a house there means going back every year but why can't they have a house in Europe instead?? Haha...I must still be thankful...anyway I'm coming back on the 4th...looking forward to the trip :)

Oh and I went cycling with sham & eunice yesterday...sad that jw can't come with us :( Hope she's feeling better now...For me, the cycling was a nice refresh after the exams...we took lotsa photos too...then we went shopping and went to the library. Then I went back home to watch K-On! Love that anime...still got 2 more episodes to watch, but first, I have to pack my stuff...

Ok before further reading, emo warning first which I just have to let out somewhere...

I just think that this world is a crazy place...I want to make it right, but I can't...and it really makes me want to hurt myself because that's when I feel better, I want to go rock climbing and get blisters, I want to go roller blading and scrape my knee, I want to go jogging till I'm out of breath and my head starts spinning...those are some of the ways I let go of the world...I want to, but I don't of course...

Sigh...anyway I can always let go of the world when I do my prayers...and letting go is NOT easy...and when I finally do let go of it, I don't want to come back to this crazy world...

Sometimes, I feel guilty having fun...but then I see others around me having fun and I'd feel I'm left out, but yet after I have fun, I would end up thinking too much & start feeling weird again..."maybe cos I hv 2think ahead n i'm not prepapred n i hv nobody 2turn 2 or depend on"...that's what my friend sms me about her feelings...maybe my feelings are around the same as hers...although I do have people to turn to but I'm not that type to do that...

I want to be more confident in myself...alright I need to go out there and do something. Maybe become an accounting teacher? My aunt told me that some schools are looking for accounting teachers & that I should apply...but I never wanted to be a teacher in the first place...hmm...there's so many things I can do...but first...I need to pack my stuff...

Today, I'm going for Wyeth family day...leaving the house soon...hopefully can go prawing later too :) Life is sweet.

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The servile earth and the lofty sky:
without this opposite
the sky would not be so high.
The low and high of the earth
are winter and spring.
The low and high of time
are night and day.
The low and high of the body
are sickness and health.
By means of these opposites
the world is kept alive;
by means of these doubles
souls feel fear and hope.

–Rumi, Mathnawi, 6:1848-51, 1853

Dearest Kaimisuki...I present to you Spyro, the only one who can endure my whinings, disturbing pokes & anger tantrums during my exam stress & still make a cute face at the end...ok fine she only listens when I put food in front of her but I still love her to bits & pieces...did the video within 2 hours...so I'm going back to work now

Another whining post.

My handphone got stolen...again. That time I couldn't be bothered that it got stolen cos I was too sick...It's only a few days later when the full impact hit me & I felt totally angry & exasperated.

The story is so stupid. Yea I was at s11 there, sick with headache & flu & an upset stomach, & I had a sudden urge to vomit, but I won't do it there at the foodstalls ba, it's inconsiderate especially with all the swine flu going on, & I don't know where's the nearest toilet, so I ran all the way to the drain behind, & at the same time, I knew I drop my hp but I can't go back cos the vomit was already in my mouth. After doing it at the drain, I went back to get my hp & it's gonE!

Sigh...I mean, I can't say that it's not my fault...I never should have trusted Singapore to be a safe country, no matter what, especially when I'm alone. But I feel that's not the worst part.

See, when I got short questions regarding school work, I will sms my friend & she would reply, & I guess I should have taken note of her replies somewhere but I didn't know my handphone would get stolen what...so when I get the sms answers to my questions, I just tried to understand them...then now I want to check back to the replies that my friend gave me, I realise I can't because it's in my old handphone!

Haiz...my pictures, my music, my contacts, my handphone not cheap ok...& now I have to work hard to get over this feeling & situation...I hate being too dependent on something...

Then again it's probably karma because I haven't been a nice person lately...oh man I wish I have learnt my lesson...I can't let this stupid cycle happen again...seriously...now just get over it, get over it, get over it.

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"Sometimes, some things happen, & there's nothing we can do about it, so why worry?"

Hakuna Matata

I chatted with my Atheist friend, who had set up a blog to raise awareness & make people really think about their religion, & what other reasons I'm not sure of...but, somehow I think it won't work...people with faith will have answers to all that person's questions...answers that Atheists refuse to accept...I was shocked when they say that science & religion does not go together...hah...

Then I also realised, Atheists put all their energy & effort into finding so-called proves that God does not exist, like reading books titled Why I am not a Muslim by Ibn Warraq instead of reading books like God & Man: Questions & Answers by F S A Majeed. So when they go to the bookstore or library, which section will they go to? I for one, will go to many sections, including the section about Islam, & there I find many books that I enjoy reading.

But I can't blame them, really. Any person who truly believes in something will put all their energy & effort into that believe...But I wonder what's the point of raising awareness...I still don't think Atheists are rational or reasonable...I guess the meaning of being rational & reasonable differs from person to person.

But really, why do they think they are rational? Look at Greg Mortenson...he is definitely a rational person. After reading his book Three Cups of Tea, I am amazed & I really respect him. At least he understands that faith needs to exist & cannot be changed. The crimes in this world will not stop when everyone is an Atheist. It can only be improved through Proper education, & that's why I respect Greg Mortenson.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen to me if I were not born a Muslim...will I still be the same person I am now, always so calm when I face adversities...actually I haven't faced much adversities in my life lah, thank god...

Heh I know I have to stop being so philosophical, but I really can't help feeling sorry & pity for others...I do my best in life of course, & I know we shouldn't just talk the talk, but we must also walk the walk...but...walking the walk is not easy...that's why I respect people who can do it...ok sometimes I think too much.

Don't think, just do.

And I was reading jw's blog so now I'm watching the jap drama Smile but I don't know why I'm not crying or why I don't really feel for Vito...I think cos my mind is too worried about my exams...haha...but sigh the pain & suffering Vito had to go through...sad...

Song: Alhamdulillah (Praises & Thanks to God) by Dawud Wharnsby Ali



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"Do not treat people with contempt, nor walk insolently on the earth. God does not love the arrogant or the self-conceited boaster. Be modest in your bearing & subdue your voice, for the most unpleasant of voices is the braying of the ass." ~ Quran 31:18-19