When I became the top student of my primary school four years ago, I was shocked, surprised and thought I was dreaming. It felt good hearing people congratulate me, so I decided that I'm going to work hard for my 'O' levels to get that top position again. Hah...look at me now.

Ya, sure I didn't score that badly, but it's not enough. It's just not enough. I don't get it...why is it that I can want something so so badly but I never bother working for it?

Getting B3 for Malay three times in a row...totally ludicrous...it's like I didn't put in any effort to improve at all...all I did was wasted time sitting for that bloody freaking paper again and again...and what if the same thing happens for my SATS?

And another B3 for my Chemistry...Mrs Tan must be very disappointed with me.

You know, I can forever warn myself about my SATS or whatever but in the end, I'll still slack...so why do I even bother?

xx

"Questioning the why's, wont's, and's, if's, or but's merely waste time. Whatever will happen, will happen."

It's been an exciting week, way too long to write down all the exciting things that happen. I love my life. I just hope others love theirs too. I need to go offline soon.

Oh wait, people's been saying I look and sound fierce 'cause I don't smile much. Well, I don't smile when there's nothing to smile about. But I definitely have to tone down a bit the way I talk.

And then there's the results...I WANT MY RESULTS NOW! I CANT STAND THE SUSPENSE ANY LONGER!

You know, I just can't decide if I should immediately run to the toilet after getting my results, or run straight home...to cry lah, then?

Finally, before I go offline, I have to again remind myself to STOP SLACKING AND DO MY WORK! You're As are in two years time, so please concentrate on your work.

Oh, I also want to say that I feel really really sorry for this guy. He is just so pathetic. I hope that when I said all those things, I didn't make him feel awkward or anything. Actually he's quite cute being pathetic...but then again...ok, nevermind. I'll just forget about this episode.

Ok, now I'll go offline.

xx

-Blonde joke. It's just a joke. Blondes are not stupid.-

A blonde went into a electronic store and she asked on of the staff how much a tv was. The staff said "sorry we dont sell to blondes." She went home and the next day she came back as a brunette. She asked one of the staff "how much is that tv?" He said "sorry we dont sell to blondes."
She went home. The next day, she came back as a red head and she asked one of the staff "how much is this tv? He said "sorry we dont sell to blondes." She said "I have come back here as a brunette and a red head, how did you know i was a blonde?" He said "I know because that is not a tv, that is a microwave."

My malay karangan is better than those two's? Hah! She even said I should join Perbayu under publications...ya right...

...Chemistry test...I haven't studied I haven't studied I haven't studied...how...such a slacker...

What's more they said that for the chem results the names of the top ten and the worst ten will be put up on the notice board...or something like that...hopefully it's just a rumour...

And I'm running out of quotes again...

xx

"The more you study the more you know. The more you know the more you'll forget. The more you forget the less you know. So why study?"

I need to stop being so "bloody proud". I have to start being modest. Actually I was just joking around lor...but some people just don't get the joke. Sigh...

Well, I totally slacked this week. I'm way behind since I haven't been reading up my lecture notes. I even fell asleep during lectures. Embarassing...it was not fun at all, slacking for the whole week then staying up late on Thursday just to do that silly pidato, which is for some competition...Plus Hawa, Ahmad and I will have to repeat our pidato on Monday because she said today's one was just practice...sigh...

I'm going to stop playing around and start getting serious. I do want to get those As. Must not forget my this year's resolution which is to never ever study last minute ever again. Focus. I will forever focus on my 3 As on that A-level certificate. I will walk out the school gate on graduation day with a smile on my face. I am going to be proud of myself. I will show Salman and I will make him ask, "What happened?" when I get my A-level result because I will get 3 As while he won't...well, he'll probably get 4 As but who cares. I'll still show him.

...must she really have "studYING" as her nick??? Make me feel so guilty...

Oh, I met Jw online and she wasn't exhilarated to be in Australia...you need to be more confident in yourself, you know. I get a little down many times too, but I always manage to move on...it's difficult but that's life. Things will improve...be patient...I always let time do its job...

{Happy Valentine's Day / Friendship Week everybody!}

xx

Every now and then
we find a special friend
who never lets us down,
who understands it all,
reaches out each time we fall.
You're the best that I have found!
I know that you can't stay,
but part of you will never fade away!
Youre heart will stay.

I'll make a wish for you and hope it will come true.
That life will be kind to such a gentle mind.
And if you lose your way, think back on yesterday, remember me this way!

-Casper

He's lowest grade for Maths is a B...a senior of mine...a B leh...can't believe he complained...well, maybe he was joking around but still...he's so guai! Gosh...

My lowest grade was like a what? D? E?

Well, I still got 28/30 for CMaths, but I was aiming for 30/30 lor...where could I have gone wrong? (they haven't returned us the papers yet)...I will kill myself for making such a careless mistake...the test was so simple kay...keep your ego down, Munirah.

And start studying for Chem!

xx

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people. - Lucille S. Harper

Thanks for the birthday wishes everybody...I couldn't have had a better birthday :) Now all I have to do is wait another 364 days for my next birthday. Oh gosh, is it really three hundred and sixty-four days? I can't wait that long!

Haha...went to change my uniform with felisha from tks. She'll be wearing it tomorrow. I'm not wearing the tks one though, they say I look ugly in it...green is so not my colour. Well, I think uniform changing is ok, but I find it very disturbing when Kiat Boon wears my school badge. Oh my poor poor badge had to suffer the horror of being on a guy like him...And it was in such a shock that it got stuck to his shirt and won't come off when Boon wants it to! I do hope you're feeling better now badgie. Even though he wore my badge together with like 8 other badges from other schools (reminding me of my red cross uniform with all those badges), you don't deserve to get stuck to him like that...you poor little thing...ok Munirah, stop mentally stroking that badge and move on.

Heh, so...after changing uniform with her, we went for dinner at BK with the rocmoc people. It was ok, except the part when everybody was speaking in chinese and a senior was the one who noticed and told everyone to speak in English. Gosh, I feel so stupid as if I can't speak up for myself. Nice of him to notice though...whatever, it's just weird how I need to warm up first before I can speak to others fluently without hesitating. And I actually signed up to be OGL with the reason that I'm friendly and can help the people connect...hah, why do I crap about such things? And I've never had any great achievements in my life, except that I managed to enter rgs, and get stressed there lah...I hope they don't expect too much out of me because of me being from rg...

Well, from rg or not, we still have to do that pidato thing...I am so not in the mood for Malay now...and I want to go to sleep...

...Still wishing you don't have to go, jw...but I know you'll have fun there, so I shouldn't be wishing such things...

xx

I catnap now and then, but I think while I nap, so it's not a waste of time. - Martha Stewart

What do you mean you're sorry? You made it for me and that's enough to make me proud of this template. It's nice and simple. I ment pathetic in other sense. They update theirs more often and they don't use perfect English like me (which makes theirs a little more lively) and they have links here and there and things like that. I tend to restrict myself when I write in my blog...editing here and there...afraid of saying the wrong things and stuff. I guess I'll be changing the template but not anytime soon...maybe like next year...and thanks for that birthday wish!

Anyway, I can't wait for Spiderman2 to come out! I find his relationaship with MJ just so touching...I watched the cartoon just now. He actually gave up being Spiderman because he accidentally killed his friend, Indu I think...how could he give up just like that?? But then everybody hates Spiderman because of that...especially PP's best friend Harry, who holds a grudge against Spiderman...sigh...

Ok, I'm going to play neopets now...don't remind me of that test...or that rocmoc pt session...both on my birthday...actually I can just skip that pt session...and miss out on all that exercise and pumpings? Nah..

xx

"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us."

Edit here, edit there, edit, edit everywhere...

Okay...seeing my friends' blog makes mine look so pathetic. Whatever, not in the mood for this...maybe one day I'll change the template or something. Need to sleep now, so tired, so bored, need to get to my dream world...

xx

"My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me."

Been talking a lot about the O-level results. All my friends say I can get 6 points for sure. I wish. I better stop thinking that I will...then I would feel so crushed when I do get my results.

So yesterday I dreamt that I got my results already and I was running to the airport to give jiawen hers. Then I realised I got many A2s and I can't decide if I should stay at SR or not. You know, I'm starting to wish that I get 20 points for my Os, so that I do not need to make that decision on whether I should switch JC...

Rocmoc's the only thing that's making me feel like I should stay there. Ya, sure there are other JCs with rocmoc but the seniors will be different, the friends, the atmosphere...ok, I'll stop talking about this...I haven't even gotten my results yet...

xx

"Anyone who uses the phrase "Like taking candy from a baby", has never tried taking candy from a baby."

Eli wished me happy birthday! Haha...I can't help feeling so happy! But still...6 more days...6 more days for me, 7 more days for jw...this is so sad! I hate saying goodbye...

AND I'm not supposed to be here...got that gp essay to do...yucks...

Haha, I like this quote...

xx

Jack Sparrow: Me? I'm jus' honest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest... Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly (...) stupid.

I hate my life. Actually I don't. I just don't like it. Well, I do...sheesh, I had been so used to saying that I hate my life so whenever I get a little down I'll just say, "I hate my life." But I don't. I would never ever want my life to end...sigh...I'm crapping...so this entry will not make sense...hm...where should I start...that book that Shamiah gave me...it made me think bad thoughts...not bad lah, just silly 'cause...um...it's not really the thoughts that you think I'm thinking about but it's another kind of thoughts which is really ridiculous...then again I'm only at page 70...oh whatever...tests are coming up...I don't know how I'm going to study for Bio...how did I use to study for Bio huh? I forgot...that Chingay Parade being held this Saturday...I wish I had joined to become one of the motivaters...it would have been so much fun...only SRJCians are asked to be the motivators...I didn't join 'cause my friends didn't...I hate following my friends around...in the end they'll just leave you, right?...blah...Andrew...people find him irritating, 'cause he is...he's cute lah, but he's always putting himself in the spotlight, which is quite irritating, but it's not bad entertainment either...but seriously, must he really go up that bouldering wall halfway, holding on to the wall with one hand and do pull ups there? And that time when we had to do chin-ups for one of our stations during station games, he helped us by doing half the number of chin-ups that we had to do so we don't have to do that many...but I think he was just showing off...not that it's not nice of him...oh well...I can keep on talking about this guy forever...next wednesday...I might not be able to go for rocmoc! We're having sports carnival, which is not compulsory though I think I should go to support my class...but I really want to go rock climbing! It's not fair! Why must all the activities take place on Wednesday, then I can't go for my CCA? Not fair! Sigh...hmm...I wish Eli or someone would go online and chat with me...I don't like to be alone...why Eli think she's irritating huh? If she thinks she's irritating, then won't I be irritated by her? Am I making sense? Nope...I'll just...clean up my room now...again...Munirah, please stop messing up your room...

xx

A gurgle of laughter emerges from my mouth. "Do you ever look anything less than perfect, Geraldine?"

Geraldine flicks her hair back and says, "Believe me, I look a mess, " but she's please because, like all girls who are perfectly groomed, below the perfection is a writhing mass of insecurity, and she like to hear that she's beautiful. It helps to her believe it.

I dreamt that Maria Ho actually came down during one of my lectures and scolded me for not paying attention. I got so angry that I wrote "I hate Maria Ho" all over my lecture notes and even broke my pencil in half...then later she asked me to see her after lesson and I remembered putting a pencil in my pocket so that I can break it later...

But the point is that I don't take Physics right now. Did the dream mean that the Cambridge people over at UK were marking my physics paper at that moment and I did so badly I got a D? Then why else would I suddenly dream about Physics? My results are going to be so bad, I just know it! Did I tell you...we were playing tarot cards during one of the free periods in school and my cards said that I'm facing destruction and might be facing it again...it could mean my O-levels results! Or it could have passed when my female albino hamster, Snowy, died 'cause it means my hamsters can't breed anymore...But it's still so scary! Ok, I'm not supposed to believe in tarot cards...bad bad Munirah...better forget about them...

Still...how are my results going to be? I don't think I can wait for another 2 whole months...my dreams would go haywire by then! (If it's true reality and dreams connect in that way...) Why oh why? I think about this everytime I've got nothing to think about...maybe that's why I need school so badly...to forget about all this...but at least I've got something to look forward to...

Sunday better come quick.

xx

Barbossa: Thank you, Jack.
Jack Sparrow: You're welcome.
Barbossa: Oh, not you. We named the monkey Jack.

Are you serious? He actually asked about me? HAHA! Well, of course he would. I did get the highest aggregate in his primary school...that reminds me...I haven't told Mrs Krishnan where I am yet...don't know when I'm going to...so anyway, do dreams and reality really connect in some way...'cause I was wondering why I dreamt about him and maybe it was just a coincedence that he asked about me at that time...haha! But what did he mean by "What happened?"? What about him huh? I heard he got almost the same aggregate as me what!

Gosh, is it that embarrassing to be in SRJC? I love it there! Ok, maybe it it cannot produce many people with 4 distinctions (hopefully I won't be one of them) but I'm still considering to stay...it's that great! And I met cute people too...and even joined rocmoc! I wouldn't have joined it if I were in Victoria, then I wouldn't have met all those nice but chiobu seniors...a lot of things might not have happened...

Oh well. We were supposed to introduce another person during malay class and my friend who introduced me said that I am a very responsible and confident person...seorang yang sugguh tanggungjawab dan yakin dalam diri sendiri...hearing it in malay really made it sound so...woah! Gosh...I was like trying to deny it kay...hah...imagine me being confident in myself...

Well, I'm a weird person. I'll start getting sick of school soon...I hope not...

Anyway, I'm going to watch Princess Diaries this Sunday! We better do...it's something I'm really looking forward to...other than meeting my RG friends of course...

But that question..."What happened?" Yes, Munirah, what happened? You've been avoiding that question since you got your Prelim results...the question people asked me and will continue asking...but then I do know what happened...just that everytime I think of it, I get this great feeling of terror that it will happen again...where will I go after I get my Os results? Even if I make it to the top 5, will it do me any good if I go there, or will I get the same fate as when I went RG? But if I don't, will I regret staying in SRJC and get not that many distinctions? The questions just keep coming...argh!

xx

All the cruelty and torment of which the world is full is in fact merely the necessary result of the totality of the forms under which the will to live is objectified. ~ Arthur Schopenhauer

Yeah, I went bouldering today! It is a part of rocmoc where you climb low, inclined walls without ropes, but there's mattress below lah. Only 4 who wanted extra training came...it's great! I just find rock climbing so fun! I kept thinking about it during tutorials...not really lah, but I did miss it. I just want to continue climbing! But then I need lots of rest after climbing because my arms will be totally exhausted.

Lalala...HAPPY NEW YEAR everybody! Have a great year of the monkey!

xx

Will Turner: Where's Elizabeth?
Jack Sparrow: She's safe, just like I promised. She's all set to marry Norrington, just like she promised. And you get to die for her, just like you promised. So we're all men of our word really... except for Elizabeth, who is in fact, a woman.

I find this so funny. Or at least I found it funny when the ustaz said it:

4 cara untuk masuk syurga tanpa bersolat/berpuasa/etc: -
1. Makan rezeki yang tidak diberi oleh Allah.
2. Tinggal di planet yang tidak dimiliki Allah.
3. Pergi ke tempat yang tidak diketahui Allah.
4. Jadi orang gila.

Quite interesting really...hehe...

Anyway, both my arms are aching from yesterday. I can't bathe properly 'cause I can't reach behind my back. My arms hurt if I do.

Oh, a mistake in my post before: I actually haven't read DV10 and DV13. My younger sister have read DS13 already. I really want to read but I get attracted to neopets whenever I come online...

I've got to go and collect my new pair of spectacles later (it's red this time!), but I haven't finished my tutorials yet...so I might not pick it up today after all.

xx

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
-Henny Youngman (1906-1998)

My primary school friend, Rena, actually saw my elder sister and her boyfriend holding hands! And my sister is totally denying it. Although last time, my aunts have seen them holding hands too. I can't believe her! My sister and her boyfriend must not see each other or they'll do stupid things for sure! Then again, I must not believe that my sister is that low...

Oh well, it's her problem.

Hmm...Eli sms me like everyday before and after school. It is so nice of her! We'll wish each other good morning then ask about the day at school and I find this kind of conversations very sweet...except that I have gone over the number of sms I'm supposed to have for one month...so now each sms will cost 5 cents more...oh dear...

xx

"Don't hate yourself in the morning. Sleep till noon."

Today had been a great day! I didn't know I could make so many friends in one day! I had rocmoc (rock and mountain climbing I think) orientation today. The station games were tough because we had to do like 39 push ups / sit ups at each station. But actually...I kinda miss those trainings 'cause we used to do them in red cross.

Other than station games, we get to climb the rock wall! I managed to reach all the way to the top twice, but I didn't have enough strength to complete the inclined one, where the wall is horizontal...and all the grips there are not nice to hold, so we need lots of arm strength. I don't know how I'm going to survive for the trainings, which I heard they had to climb up and down the wall ten times...actually I'm not sure if I can manage to stay in rocmoc 'cause there'll be a trial where some will get kicked out 'cause there's just too many recruits this year.

My school work, though, is not doing too good. I'm falling behind already in my tutorials...almost half my class have done them but I haven't. I must I must be disciplined and do my work! I must not sleep when I reach home from school 'cause I can't wake up for sure.

Talking about sleep, I dreamt about Salman two days ago. We were supposed to be at this gathering in Malaysia and he came. But when he reached there he left almost immediately and I got angry that he did. Haha. Whatever...I just haven't dreamt about him for a long time and I don't know why he suddenly came into my dreams. Haha!

Hmm...my younger sister though, seems to be feeling something for this guy called Shawn...oh well. I don't know much about that actually...hehe...

I better go do my tutorial now.

And I can't wait for the 31st!

xx

"You know, Draco," Hermione said, looking wearily at the fair-haired boy in the infirmary bed, "sometimes you make it awfully difficult."

"To resist my manly charms? Yes, I know," said Draco

~DT

Why do I keep changing my guestbook images? I always think the newest is nicer than the last...ok whatever.

Smallville is on now, on one of those Indonesian channels...sctv or something...

And my sis keeps saying she wants to use the computer...oh like I'd let her do that just so she can play pool with her bf...hahaha...I'm not unsupportive or anything, I'm just sick of hearing her mushy mushy words with her bf everytime they call each other.

The discipline teacher told us a story on how a boy in school was eating his noodles when suddenly an extra ingredient fell into it from the sky...bird poop. Nice. Then he mentioned how he wanted us to be disciplined and disnified people when we walk out the school gate on our graduation day...like hello, only first 10 days and you already talk about graduation day?

Hehe...I joined many CCAs...Tarian, ODAC, Rock and Mountain Climbing, and Heritage Club...gonna quit some...haha

Ok, my sis will kill me.

Oh, don't you love rainbows? My little sister was talking about a rainbow she saw in school the other day...she was so excited...don't know why...haha...Asperger's Syndrom...??

xx

"We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?" -Niels Bohr (1885-1962)

I'm assistant civics tutor rep, aka vice-chairperson of class, 'cause not many volunteered. I was so nervous when I was supposed to give that 30 second speech.

Why in the world did I just receive a hyper magazine from Ngee Ann Poly?

Oh well. Saturday gone...at least 3/4 of it...I don't know why I keep counting down like that.

Maybe 'cause my birthday is in 30 days time? Seriously, am I suffering from Asperger's Syndrome? I'm way overexcited about my birthday, and I have no idea why.

I'm kinda in a group of friends now, which Serene called G4. They are Serene, Danying and Yue Lian. Nice friends.

I like Serangoon JC a lot. I mean, it rocks! Firstly, the teachers are very caring and most of their speeches keep me awake in the hall...except for the principal's talk. And she knows her voice makes us go to sleep so she usually keep her talks short. Secondly, the students that come in are from a variety of schools, so the parade square is very colourful in the morning, and I doubt RJ and VJ is the same. Meridian aint very popular either. I heard the people there are unfriendly, and when my friend tried to appeal in, the teacher was like, "Did you know MJ's standard has risen up to 16 points?" I heard their principal is biased too. Although SRJC kinda accept the extras like us ('cause all those in my class had 20 points for L1R5), it's not that bad. I really feel like staying here. What's more we are now going through a little of the Sec 4 syllabus, so if I move to another school, it would be hard for me to catch up. I'm actually planning to move to Tampiness, but I have no idea how it's like there and I don't want to regret when I do move.

Why am I talking about this? There's still two more months to go.

I hate it when my mum sighs in front of me. I really didn't do anything. I mean, I didn't scream or shout at her, which is not easy. Whenever I feel like screaming, I'll lock myself in my room. So why must she sigh like that?

I wish I'm not so gloomy. I kinda get gloomy whenever I reach home...maybe because of my family? Though I'm not sure why. I like school. For now lah. Before the load of homework and the projects start. Friends are great. They make my day. And I can't wait to go over and watch Princess Diaries! I've got to go to my grandma's place now (father's side). We seldom go over there. I don't want to go there. But I have to. So I might as well make the best of it...though I better quickly eat dinner now so my mum won't shout again...actually she don't shout. She just speak in that demanding voice making me feel like a bad bad girl. Or maybe I'm just too sensitive.

xx

"One out of every four Americans is suffering from some mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."

Issit true? It's a joke, right?

Stupid blogger doesn't work. Oh well. Shamiah said to post for myself, not for others, so I will, although I have another blog for that.

Anyway, I realised I sound very horrible on my last post. I should be glad that I actually manage to enter a JC. I'm still the smartest in my family, since my little sister wants to go poly. And who cares if they say "waaaah..." when I say I'm from RGS, 'cause at least it seems to be less stressing than RJ, since I actually leave school at 1 instead of 6. And I even don't need to see all those faces I hate so much...I get to make new friends! Sigh, I don't really hate them. I'm just uncomfartable with them as well as all those bad memories...oh well...

I've been listening to the ROTK soundtrack and I just love it! Buying my first soundtrack is so exciting! Well, it'll probably be my last one too, since my parents don't like me to spend my money like that...but maybe I'll get the seventh HP movie one...I hate saying goodbye...and everything end just like that...

Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see
All of your fears will pass away

Safe in my arms
You're only sleeping

What can you see
On the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?

Across the sea
A pale moon rises
The ships have come
To carry you home
~Into the West, ROTK soundtrack

Sigh...that reminds me. I really really want to watch the Princess Diaries movie...if I ever get the urge to go and rent it or something...and Munirah, will you please stop messing up your room so you don't have to clean it up? Thank you.

Oh, a reminder for me: Red Cross Talentime 2004 will be held at Ulu Pandan CC, which is near Holland Rd, and is this coming Sunday and next Sunday.

xx

"I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally."