What if, someone was depressed, and you were happy. You smiled at the person, talking merrily & laughing like nuts, but the person did not say anything. So then you get a little down-hearted & walked away. When in actual fact, the person felt very much happier than before. But you didn't know that. So you felt sad for the rest of the day. What a great sacrifice for a sad friend, don't you think? It's like some of the person's feelings enter you while some of your better feelings go away...oh, whatever. I guess this only happens to poor old me, huh?

xx

"Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive anyway."

Excuse me but..."going to different institutions"? Of course I'm going to different institutions from the rest of the rgs population! This may be very negative of me, but I am just not meant to be in rgs in the 1st place.

Whatever. Take this extremely funny conversation between my friend & Mr Lui.

Ring, ring…
Lui : Hello? Georgia?
Georgia: (just woken up) Hello…
Lui : Georgia, this is Kenneth Lui speaking.
Georgia: WHAT Lui?!
Lui : Mr Kenneth Lui. *Anyway*, there’s Amaths remedial class today.
Georgia: There is?! But there can’t be!
Lui : There is. (He said with a final tone)
Georgia: But…my friend (forgot who) said she’s not coming today.
Lui : Yes, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t come.
Georgia: But…I just woke up. (still sleepy enough not to come up w/ a better reason)
-long pause-
Lui : Can you get ready & come down *now*.
Georgia: (finally woken up) Oh, I have tuition later.
-longer pause-
Lui : Ok, can you come down tomorrow?
Georgia: But Mr Lui! Tomorrow is Deepavali! It’s not me, but I do not want to trouble you or anything, making you come down just for me especially on a holiday when you should be taking a rest with your family…etc, etc.
Lui : Oh, alright, come down on Saturday then. There’s a mock exam from 8 to 12 at 404 classroom.
Georgia: Err…okay…
-conversation end-

Heh, more quotes...btw, I found out the quote abt strapping toast on the back of a cat was originally made by Steven Wright.

xx

"I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?"
Paul Merton.

Thx, Jia Wen. After Os is fine. Email me when u're ready.

So...after that ordeal, I went back to the library, packed my stuff & went home. Then I slept all the way till now. And now, I'm back on the computer. Great job, munirah. But then I always win against my conscience.

Anyway, I had a dream. We happened to be living in the daemon world, & someone I knew had her daemon taken away from her, & gosh, it hurts. So we organised this meeting to find out who's the idiot who pulled it out. Deborah Tan was in the meeting...anyway, after the meeting, I was packing my stuff & Shamiah was behind me & saying its late & she shd go home. I looked up at the clock on the classroom wall & realised its 10p.m. So I let her go first. Then I ran to catch up w/ her. She said she needed to go buy sushie(sp?) for dinner or sth.

Ok, that's not the point. When I woke up, I realised that soon, I won't be going home with Shamiah anymore. I won't be crossing the street & suddenly meeting Jia Wen at the bus stop anymore. Or maybe meeting Pamela or Annie. In fact, I won't even be in my classroon & looking up at the classroom clock anymore...
My mum told me to keep studying. My job is to study. Doesn't matter where I go. Doesn't matter how many friends I make & how many I lose...What is with me & friends anyway? Family is more important. The family who I don't feel close to, who I can't even speak of my problems to. The thing is, I always know what they are going to say before asking a question, or even telling them my problem. I know every specific detail they're going to give, & whether it'll hurt me or not. And when I do try asking, they reply exactly they way I thought they would. And no matter how much I want to rebut them, to tell them that they are wrong, that there is more to it, I won't, cuz I guess I still know what they'll say. So instead, I go back to my room & cry...I dunno why...I can't talk to them...my parents...

xx

"I'm not retreating! I'm just advancing in the opposite direction!"

Noooo! Don't make me go back to the library! Nooooooooooo! -gets down on her knees & starts begging- Ok, this is pathetic. -gets up again.-

I am so SICK of doing amaths! And I'm not even improving! Argh! I am also SICK of seeing kenneth lui every two days...And two days after this one, I'll have to take an EXAM. From 8 to 10 a.m. on this coming Saturday, I'll be in 404's classroom drawing stupid vector diagrams, erasing them, re-drawing them, erasing again, redrawing again...and all the time wishing I could watch Pokemon! It's not fair!!!!!!!!!!! Why must life be so unfair????????????
Ignore her.

Hmm...I'll be going back to the library soon to do some ss...& I can't even eat!!!!!!!!
Stop complaining, idiot. *Some* people would actually be smart enough to know that by fasting, we save time & thus become more efficient in studying for the (dreaded) O levels...

OK! Whatever! Can't you shut up for awhile, huh?

-silence-

Either I'm going crazy or I'm going crazy.

xx

"Flies, Padfoot. Flies" ~ Remus to Serius when Sirius had his mouth hanging wide open.

Hello. I'm feeling bored now. I have nothing on my mind now. Lately, when I come here I have something on my mind, but now I don't. Oh well, I've got some quotes anyway...I can't think of what to type...except maybe Hari Raya. I can't wait! I can't believe its coming...not that it would be as exciting once its here.........ladeeda.........I want to go overseas. Oh, you know what I really want? I want to touch snow. Snow is cool. Literally. I've read so many books with snow inside, and watched so many cartoons also with snow inside...I wish I can touch real snow...not snow city snow...I want to make snowmen & have snowball fights & all those stuff...but I guess we Singaporean people might not be able to stand snow without many many layers of clothes...

Btw, I think I had been studying more for my Prelims than my Os...oh well...

I think all this thinking about snow is because of Calvin & Hobbes. I was reading my bio notes, the one made by Edna Tan, with all the Calvin&Hobbes comic strips...and so I took out my big book of Calvin&Hobbes & read the comics inside. A serious waste of time, I know. But I sure enjoyed myself.

xx

"Love your enemies. It pisses them off."

I'm gonna babble now. About how sad I'm feeling. I feel so alone, no one to talk too, everybody with their own agendas, we are always alone anyway. How I wish i have a daemon. But then I have Tommy, my imaginary friend, so why am I complaining? Liyana is nowhere in sight, neither is Jia Wen. I can't even see them on the last day of school. Yeah, but so what? That does not mean anything. What makes me think I can see them anyway? Putting such high hopes for nothing. Like how people are complaining that they can't go HJC or RJC. Haha. Well, it's not funny...well then. An aggregate of 20 will still get me somewhere I suppose...there's just too little time left. Am I regretting? I hope not...whatever. I'll give Liyana a call to see if I can go over to her place. Of course, I don't mind if anybody else invite me over to their place. Except I know some people would rather study alone...why am I such a loser? Wait, I'm not.

Suicide does not solve anything. I know. I just feel sorry for those who think of it and also for those who had already done it. Yet I feel jealous of those who live such a good life that the thought of suicide never come to their mind.

Oh, I'm starting to get attracted to orange. But I can't bear to leave red. Ah, I'm such a loyal fan.

xx

"...thinking about what?"
"Oh, you know. The big questions of life. Like, if
toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always
land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on
the back of a cat and drop it?"
~DT

Seven! I've got 7 cute little caterpillars on my lime plant. Actually they are not very cute yet cuz they are now dark green & white. Later they'll turn a beautiful light green colour with big fake eyes. So cute! Then they'll turn to ugly brown cacoons, then 1 or 2 weeks later they'll turn to a bright yellow & black butterfly! I've never really seen it coming out. I just happened to trap one & saw it grow until one day I came home from school & saw the beautiful butterfly. It's really quite gigantic. Hehe! There's been about 4 generations coming to lay eggs so far but I've never seen 7 caterpillars all at once. Sigh...I wish I can see it when it changes to a butterfly.

Anyway, I'm not worrying about my JC yet. I'll just wait for my results. It'll come then I'll cry then I'll make my bloody decision. I have to make it sooner or later. It'll just be later then.

xx

"Soon? What does that mean, soon?"
"Later than right now, earlier than never." ~ DT

It's sick when you hear it once. It's worse when she keeps repeating it. "Mmhmmm..." she'll say with that yucky voice. "Ok," she'll then say with a smile. Then, "Muax," & she'll make that kissing sound. Times that a couple of times. Then she'll say, "Oh, wait..." , talk for a few more minutes, then repeat the 'sweet' goodbyes all over again. I really felt like vomiting. If my sis does this over the phone, I wonder what she does when she sees her bf face to face.

xx

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"

Haha! Only one more paper! And I am already slacking! Sigh. I don't know how I can stand waiting for the invigilators to collect our answer scripts tomorrow. I'd probably just burst with excitement. And DON"T remind me about the 'O's. Ah well. It's not that far away actually. I should just panic now, you know. Tan Yiow Hwa said before the Prelims that we should be stress then, so that we can relax in October. As if. I know I already died for Prelims, so I should work harder. Much harder. But I don't want to think about that yet. Cuz I'm watching Pirates of the Carribean tomorrow. Just something to look forward too. Other then Matrix Reloaded & Lord of the Rings Part III. Yeah! Except it's in November...sigh...

Something I don't look forward to is Alma Matta. I don't know how I'm going to let all my friends go. Not that I have many anyway. Like, I still keep in contact with my best friend from primary school. Except that it's always been me calling her & never she calling me. Sometimes I wonder if she's actually irritated with all my calls. Sigh. Too bad she had not given me her email or anything. I never got the opportunity to ask her. SIgh again. We were only best friends for one year in P6. Who are we together now? We lead totally different lives: different schools, different friends, different experiences...& that's how it's going to be with me & Shamiah/Jia Wen/Liyana/etc. ten years down the road. What's more Jia Wen might be going overseas. It's such a big world out there. We can never know what's going to happen.

Talking about overseas, I am seriously jealous that Shamiah is going to Switzerland. Aaah! It is so unfair! I have never been anywhere past Malaysia, & that was only to Penang! Plus, that was so long ago I couldn't even remember what happened. All I remembered was taking the plane there cause that's the first time I took a plane. And I had never stepped onto a plane since then. The only place my family & I go to each year is either Genting or to my father's aunt's kampung house at Malacca. Actually my family once went to Cameron Highlands except I didn't go because of some stupid thing I can't remember. So basically I haven't stepped on Cameron Highlands either. GOsh, how pathetic. Ok, yar, sure, there probably is a few out there who still haven't stepped out of SIngapore at my age. So I should be thankful, huh?

Then there's that merit award thing. Our chair & vice-chair didn't get it either. What the hell is the criteria? Not that it matters to a particualr someone who is glad that that chair didn't get it. Oh well, it's not like it matters to me, really. I haven't even been expecting it. I don't think I contributed that much to the committee. Well, maybe I did. But whatever I do I never expect anything in return or even any appreciation for it. I mean, that's what we should be expecting right? In life, we should not expect our contributions to be appreciated, no matter how big. We should just know that what we did makes a difference. I guess that's very sad. But we can't expect to get what we deserve all the time, right? This reminds me of a DV quote.

Oh, remind me to get a new template for my blog. I know it sucked reading all of the above, cuz I tried.

xx

"Life is not fair."
"That's true, but think how much worse it would be if life was fair, and all the awful things that happened to us happened because we actually deserve them. Take great comfort in the completely impersonal hostility of the universe."
~ Draco...aah, I should start reading DV ch10

Totalimmortal
Hope unknown; sometimes just waking is surreal.
I walk right through the nameless ones.
Hope unknown; sometimes the water feels so real.
As I walk through it fills my lungs 'Oh my God I'm drowning.'

This day never seems to end.
This pain, never.
This day never seems to end.
This rage I cannot let go.

I hear them calling.
I feel them gnawing all through flawless souls.

So alone. Sometimes I swear that I can hear the taunting of the voiceless ones.
I fell that I alone fear thoes finally cease to feel that they are alone inside this place-
-I am the misplaced.

This day never seems to end.
This pain never.
This day never seems to end.
This rage I cannot let go.

I hear them calling.
I feel them gnawing out holes.
All through all the flawless souls.

Now ever face looks fimiliar...
then ever face would melt away until...
Now everyone, do you know, I know your deception?

-AFI

Orals...well, if I do the rest of my 'O's with the same standard, I can say dasbedanya to RJC. Goodbye! Astala babe vista! (I don't even know if the spelling is right...) And I didn't watch Smallville last night 'cause I was asleep...but I did watch Days of Our Lives, which is a very very slow...okay, that's an understatement...I can't believe Boa is still with Billy! He should have dumped her by now...and of course, the truth is still hidden from the poor sick man...when are they going to let the cat out of the bag?

Studies...not good. Haven't start on SS. Oh, I totally died in the test on structured question...then there's Biology and Geography...I really hate those subjects...actually not. I just don't really like the memorizing part. But then, who doesn't?

"Because," said Malfoy, and leaned forward until his face was inches from Seamus? "If you hurt her, I will beat you to death with a shovel. Got that?"
Seamus just stared.
"And if you tell anyone what I just said, I will still beat you to death with a shovel. I want to be very clear about this, Finnegan. Do you understand me?"
Seamus found his voice, although it was fainter than usual. "A shovel?"
"That's right. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. Keep it in mind," said Malfoy shortly, stepped back, and walked away from Seamus without looking back.~DV

I'm wasting time. I'm wasting time. I'm wasting time.

My sister just told me that she didn't manage to finish studying when taking her 'O's...wonder where she'd be if she had...

"A game? Oooh, a game! Oooh! Pick me! Pick me!" Dora...issit Dora? Oh no! I forgot her name!

I'm so irritated. Everytime I'm home, I feel so carefree andlazy but everytime I'm in school, I feel so stressed & just want to run away...

My life is nothing right now but a fight with my conscience to study. Other than that, it's pretty boring. Except when I sleep. When I sleep, I dream. When I dream, I'm free. When I'm free, I'm happy...

"I'm not following you. We just happen to be going the same way at the same speed." ~ Neopian Times

.

My friend so funny. We were in the canteen eating and got to the topic of mothers and she said, "My mother sucks." Then she looked around & said, "Oops, is she around?" Then she sighed, "I meant for her to hear it."

If anybody ever listen to other people's lives at home, it's horrible. Some mothers actually pull the hair of their children till it feels like falling of for a whole week. Some of our closest friends experience hell at home. I feel so sorry. I never get to experience those kind of things. My parents have never really canned me or force me to do something. Maybe in primary school lar but still not as bad as other people. Sigh...

"I always thought I would follow you up to the gates of Hell if I had to. And that, once arriving there, I would beg the gatekeeper to take me instead of you. And if he must take you, I would ask to come with you. And if he would not let me come with you, I would wait for you on the shores of the river." ~DV

Lalala. I'm bored...yeah, I'm supposed to be studying...lalala...should I really be a doctor? I wanna get married by 24...so how? If I don't get married then...Singapore's birth rate will continue going down...heh, am I really worried about that? Haha.

I'm getting bored of red. Seriously (Sirius is dead! Waaah!), my favourite colour is actually silver...it used to be white because it is plain, clean and pure...but I took a stupid test which says those who like white are old-fashioned...oh well. I probably am. But then all colours are nice...each one is unique and just as beautiful as any another...yupz.

"It was hot in the filament. The energy got me out." ~ physics lesson on CRO

Clark Kent is such an idiot. I feel so so sorry for Lex. How could Clark leave him like that? Why can't Clark even thank him? Argh...the jealousy and everything. It's not fair that Clark has everything and Lex doesn't. It is sooo not his fault. Why must life be so unfair?

Oh, oh, Indonesia is showing Charm again! And I can't believe Cole is still crazy over Phoebe. If Cole just kills himself, than he'll make Phoebe happy. But did he do that? Nooo...he had to come back to life and go after her just to be with her for the rest of his life. And Phoebe is pregnant. Finally! A baby, yeah!

Just look at me. Everybody else is studying while I'm still watching teevee. When am I going to prove myself to my family? This is so not working...

"Oh, give it up, Harry," yelled Draco in exasperation. "Is there somebody else?"
Harry banged his fist down so hard on the bar that the glasses rattled. Draco was conscious of the fat wizard on his right giving them a peculiar look. He was also conscious that his last question to Harry might easily be misunderstood if one hadn't carefully listened to the conversation previously. Oh well.
"There is nobody else!" Harry shouted. "There never will be anybody else, not for me, not ever!"
The fat wizard nudged Draco in the ribs with his wand. "I think he really means it," he hissed in Draco’s ear. "Come on, give him another chance."
"Oh, shut up," said Draco, not turning around.
~DV

Yeah! I've finished my prelim orals! I'm sooo glad it's over. Though I did not do good in it. I was too...dull. I wasn't like engaging during the conversation and my tongue slipped over the word "upset" and I almost forgot to make eye contact! Oh sigh...I feel so bad...but I guess I have to move on...

Moving on to the case of having a library fine of $10.40. It was so stupid! I actually borrowed out a book from the reference section. I didn't pay the fine (are you nuts?) 'cause it was just a mistake. Gosh...$10.40...my mum would've killed me.

Oh wait! I just remembered Tissina! She was the first person being oralled and probably made a damn good impression...calm down, girl. At least it's OVER.

"You want to do stretching just do stretching. Or you can massage your ears." Guess who? (Maria Ho, duh)

Orals tomorrow. Yeah.

So Superman is finally going to learn how to fly. Must not miss the next show. And why oh why must Lex turn over to the dark side? So SAD!

They were advertising this CD during Friends and Smallville last night and they keep playing this stupid song over and over again -- actually only one phrase -- and now it's stuck in my head:

"I'm trying to forget that I'm addicted to you"

Just got back from SS remedial. It wasn't that bad. I don't even know why I dread it. I always dread SS, Geo and Bio. Scared they call me to come up and start asking why I never do well. And Bio is supposed to be easy too. Bleagh, I feel stupid things. My idioticness just kills me. And I felt so stressed when I reach school today. I feel that I'm more stressed in school than at home. When I'm home, I can relax so much and procrastinate all the way until the next day and realise I havem't done a single thing and so wake up at 4a.m. to do homework and sleep again at 5. Very nice.

Hope I did okay in English. Hope eli did okay.

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, and then throw it in the face of the person who gave you the lemons until they give you the oranges you originally asked for."~Draco Veritas.

I hate my father. I hate him for hurting me like this. Gosh, his words can be so hard...or maybe I'm the one who's so weak. He always tells me to do my best. I guess he really wants me to go for it. Probably expecting me to go RJC. And I'm gonna break his heart when he realise that it is false hope. Sigh...I am such an unfilial daughter...I mean, I actually slept the whole of Saturday...20 hours or sth. It's amazing how much we can sleep. And I'm not even tired. Just LAZY. Such a horrible word. Especially at this time of the year.

Oh, I guess my blog is bloody red isn't it? And it hurts like hell, doesn't it? It irritates people and glares at people and makes them squint away...red is so evil...Guess it's time to call Jiawen again. How much do you want me to pay this time, Jiawen?

"If you don't start persisting from now, how are you going to get there?" Ummu Choo.is