Kaimisuki

i totatally hate this. i totally hate this. i totally hate this. i want to act confident. i am confident, i am. but am i really? i just do not want to think about it. lucky some people get to go overseas. don't need to study in jc. stupid stressful life. i hate this. complacent. depression. stupidity. regret. idioticness...is there such a word? y can't i just...just...just...shut off my mind somehow...sigh...forget it. i just totally hate this. it's my own fault anyway. if i got retained, then i deserve it. i deserve to get retained. deserve to be embarrassed when the new j1s come in. deserve to lose all the nice friends i made this year. deserve to die. should i post this or just throw it away? i shall