Kaimisuki

GoD, I hate my life. Never thought i'd ever be saying that again but here I am HatinG My LiFe. I never wanted this to happen but here I am. Well, serves me right for keeping things to myself. My father warned me that this would happen. But hell, did I listen? No. Cry cry cry. I havent cried since so long...but it sure makes me feel better. Sure. And me life is still a mess. I hate them. I hate me for hating them. It's not even their fault. It's my fault. It has always been my fault. If I had made an effort to change, then they would change too. But I didn't. Hate myself for that. I have like a thousand billion reasons to hate myself right now. What's the point? Do I wanna be in the science stream or not? How come Shamiah was hesitant when I asked her if she wants to? Wat does that mean? What does that make me? I looser? I don't even have a goal in life...unlike jiawen. Damn it. Here I am trying to hold back my tears. Why, cuz I'm in school. I know I can't go home. If i do then I'll cry on the bus again, like last month. or was it last two months? How can time travel so fast? I shouldn't even be asking that question. I...really...really...need...a friend. There, I've said it. You know what? I'll just say the truth. I cant be a loner. But the thing is nobody will understand me. Who can I turn to? I was searching up and down for someone during lunch. I found one. And I was like, "Man, lucky thing she's here. Who knows what will happen if I didn't find anybody?" Well, I know now. And now, I have no idea what to do. It's times like these when I wish I can die. Can't find noone to stop these tears. Can't find noone to make it all go away. And it's all my fault...You know, I do want to be a science student. But I'm not making the effort to. What now? Is it still not too late? How can I continue with my life right now? How can I? But hell. I can't stay typing on this computer forever. That is never going to happen. But I don't wanna get out of here. All those people outside...sigh. Nothing I can do about it. By the way pam, thanks for signing into my guestbook. You'll never know how a few words can make a single person smile. I wish I could do that... Well, time to get on with my life & face the music. Well, partly because all those people outside are now coming in. Gottogo.