February is ending!!!!!!!!

Sigh... Sometimes I don't know how I got myself into this mess.

Anyway, since I'm feeling so down right now...adding another few steps in Preston's confidence book for my personal reminder:

1. Be mindful.

2. Stop disempowering thoughts!

3. Replace them with empowering thoughts :)

4. Keep going until it becomes automatic.

I am starting to count the number of calories I eat each day, something I never did before haha. Really tired of people telling me I'm getting bigger. It's cos I'm HAPPY alright. I got more appetite to eat so I get bigger lah! Sheesh. Oh well I dunno how much counting my calorie intake will help really. Haha.

Only unhappy when I'm having pms... Still cry to sleep when I'm having pms. Hah.

And so... Spending my holidays at home... Shirokuma's Cafe is just so cute~~~~~~~

... I will watch my diet I will!

So I randomly bought at a sale this book titled 365 Steps To Self-Confidence By David Lawrence Preston. I found out there's a free online PDF available. It's an interesting book so far and suppose to help me lead a happy and fulfilling life. Lol.

So step 30 is to complete a sentence which I shall do so like this:

If I had an excellent self-image and total confidence in my abilities, I would...QUIT MY JOB!

Step 31: Make step 30 a firm goal. So... My goal is to QUIT MY JOB! And I will commit myself unreservedly to working towards this goal.

Can you believe I've been trying to find a new job since last year and 2013 rolls around and still I haven't found a new job?? Sigh. I will have to start asking all my friends for lobangs. And Adam told me to write down the pros and cons of leaving my current job too. Gah. Oh boy do I love February ^_^

Still reeling back from what a FANTASTIC year 2012 has been, especially the last 3 days of the year. Since June 2012, everything bad and everything great happen at the same time. There's still some problems I need to solve but so far, Alhamdulillah :) Both the positive and negative make us what we are today and I am very grateful.

And you know what? I know 2013 will be even better! I'm looking forward to it haha

"I find happiness in my faith, and my faith is in my heart, and no one has power over it except my Lord."

My own personal reminder. For if I let my happiness be controlled by a man, I will only suffer. Cos he may not be alive tomorrow. And neither may I. So believe in Allah and let my faith remain my happiness. Always.

I'm going to burst with happiness!

Haha. I just needed to say that.

"When you find that special someone

Feel your whole life has barely begun

You can walk on the moon, shout it to everyone

Allah knows Allah knows"

"I'm not perfect, but I keep trying cos that's what I said I would do from the start."

Nice song.

Starting the next phase of my life. Feeling that way after meeting his family. So many changes I have to make! Still, I LOVE MY LIFE. Alhamdulillah. There's not enough thanks I can say to Allah.

No posts for 5 months and now I'm posting this. But I really didn't know how much a guy can change my view of the world until now.

If I ever go to Japan, I wanna go on an anime pilgrimage!

K-on pilgrimage

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I asked for Strength.....
And Allah Ta'ala gave me Difficulties to make me strong.


I asked for Wisdom....
And Allah Ta'ala gave me Problems to solve.


I asked for Prosperity....
And Allah Ta'ala gave me the Brain and Brawn to work.


I asked for Courage....
And Allah Ta'ala gave me Danger to overcome.


I asked for Love....
And Allah Ta'ala gave me Troubled people to help.


I asked for Favours....
And Allah Ta'ala gave me Opportunities.


I received nothing I wanted....
But I received everything I needed!


"FATABAARAKA ALLAAHO AHSANO-L-KHAALIQEEN"
"So blessed be Allah, The Good, The Best to create" (Al Qur'an - 23:14)

I smiled at that. Because I think about the Elephants too much. It's the time of the month to feel down and I feel like whining... There's work tomorrow too. I feel like I haven't done the things I want to do :(

Bright side? Looking forward to 26th June. Cos it's a nice date to look forward to.

I'm only watching one anime this season and I feel so sad cos I just have no mood to watch anime anymore... Life.

Well...so I watched Gantz...tiny spoiler ahead... My first reaction after the movie was that the manga was so much better. Well, that's what I get for having expectations. But there are still the cool parts. The smart Gantz ball, the nice guns, the cool suit, Nishi's laugh and attitude (the guy who called Kato a hypocrite). The turning point in the movie was after that explosion with the boombox alien fight. When Kei still didn't return to the room, in my head I was screaming, Nooooooooooo! The movie got much more exciting after that. In the statue alien battle, Nino's character was as irritating as it was in the manga. I like it. I guess the movie was just more fun than gory, and more cool than thought-provoking.

Oh I found the trailer for Gantz: Part II: Perfect Answer. Look how exciting it is! Maybe I shouldn't watch this if I'm gonna be disappointed... They'll probably tone down everything from the manga... Butbut I can see some interesting familiar scenes there... gosh when I watch this (in November or something), I will have zero expectations. ZERO.

"If pap is lightning, and wp is hammer, both of them can work together to become Thor!"

Tonight is one of the nights I stayed up late noT to watch anime, but my mind is still on fantasy...

And being in my house in aljunied constituency, when the announcement that wp won came, I could hear the loud cheer around the blocks and I saw through the windows a half-naked guy dancing in his house. Wahahahaha. Well let's hope the two parties can really work together and we don't get sidelined just because aljunied is under wp now (geez you think?). I do appreciate what george yeo and all the pap has done since our independence, but wp played their strategy well, with voters taking this "leap of faith". So now there's more voice in parliament eh? But george yeo loosing his seat is :(

Oh I have to add that voting day can be surprisingly exciting. That feeling of wondering if my vote counts, did I make any difference at all, can pap really win from the things I've heard so far & what will happen if they don't win. First time voting is so interesting! Haha.

Oh well. Now I guess the construction of the new mrt line right outside my house (Ubi Mrt Station) will be delayed since pap didn't win eh? Darn I was looking forward to that MRT line. Hah.

I don't feel so good. I really hate pms. Everything seems meaningless. All I feel like doing is whining. I'm hating & avoiding everyone.

Last night, I saw a mother repeatedly hitting her crying child saying, 'Shut up. Quiet. I don't want to hear a sound.' Add lotsa exclamation marks. I feel awful seeing that. What is this thing called 'stress' that makes a person turn from a sweet, good-natured & smiling person to become a monster.

Ya whatever. She will probably hug her by the end of the day to say I love you.

But pms makes me see that shouting image of her mother & only that image. And what my mum said was, Life is like that. Argh! I hate life.

I need to put better images in my head. Like, what a great February I had this year. Great presents, great flowers, great friends, great family, went chalet, went to Universal Studios, went to the zoo to see Lucy again.

Wonderful. Kyubei, come take me away.

source

Okay girl, get over it. It's only 10am. Stop hating. New day, new beginning. I think, speak & act positively. Smile for no reason.

I haven't got any mood to blog lately. Lemme try to squeeze something out...okay.

I just realized I'm still watching shonen anime & reading shojo manga, which is supposedly meant for people aged less than 18 years old. I should stop watching those & should start shifting towards seinen/josei (above 18 years old) type of anime/manga. Some friends have shifted, but for me, I don't wanna grow up!

I'm starting to think that's the source of my depression. Denial of age & refusal of responsibility haha.

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The fastest way to happiness is to look away from reality.

Quote from Office Space:
What would you do if you had a million dollars?
...
Peter Gibbons: Nothing.
Lawrence: Nothing, huh?
P: I would relax... I would sit on my ass all day... I would do nothing.
L: Well, you don't need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Take a look at my cousin: he's broke, don't do shit.

Wrong. It's so hard to do nothing because we are humans. Chalets to go to, holidays to go with families, parents to nag at you. But I guess it's selfish of me to wish to do nothing. But then again, what's your definition of nothing right.

Well anyway, my laptop crashed..can't even switch it on. Need to send it for repair asap. In the meantime.. How to live without my laptop??? I'm gonna die............!!! Sigh.

Personal update: I finally resigned after 1 year in that job I hate so much. So now I'm unemployed. Will look for another job once I get back from Gold Coast on 25 Dec. Will be flying off on the 17. Yea, the second country I will be visiting, the first is Malaysia. Guess the excitement will come later. Meh.

I wonder if I should make a new blogskin since I'm jobless now. It's really crazy how busy & tiring life is ever since work started. Only free on Sundays which always pass by in a blur. I don't look forward to that again. Really :(

Oh ya... have you ever seen children dancing in the rain. Seeing my 2 year old cousin doing that is the cutest thing ever :) Kids are fun :)

And it's a new year in the Muslim calendar starting tonight. Ya Allah, please make me stronger this year to face the challenges this world throws at me.

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^^ teacup rabbit

Seriously, how to live without my laptop & my anime??

Lol at general election debates. I can't believe I'm old enough to vote now. Bah. I feel like jumping into the debates but I know someone would raise my points eventually. Headache lah... Ok shall stop reading debates & go eat lunch.

Oh and I finally watched both Evangelion movies & both had awesome animation ^_^ Happy...

It's a singing dog! (This dog is being chased by a girl who wants to eat him cos she's always hungry, & the anime is crappy so don't watch! Really.)

Haha... I love my 4 year old cousin. My mum said she called my aunt & he picked up & he kept insisting he wanted to speak to me, for who knows what reason. I can just imagine hearing him say that & he's so cute! I feel so loved ^_^ Children love is just cute.

Sigh, work is just...work. The amount of paper we waste in the office is ridiculous, but I bet you already know that.

Hmm...did I mention I got two new hamsters. You say, "Whoshiecooshiepooshiewiddlegabbegabbehamshter"
to them & they jump around like popping popcorns lol.

And on the anime side, Jun & Mamouru are in the new Star Drivers anime :)) I'm just watching it to hear their voices now. I miss Kida Masaomi haha.

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Carpe diem (Seize the day).

Need...somewhere...to...whine...

After a tiring day at work...

Sigh...I have a really bad habit of switching on my computer once I reach home. Went on a book hunt today. Then suddenly remembered I'm supposed to go jogging today, cos on my last jogging trip last Thurs, my friend & I met a cute handsome guy who was...ok the whole thing was quite hilarious on hindsight... You ever heard of those stories of people's grandparents who leave the house & can never find their way home right... Well, the 3 of us were trying to help this old women who did not know where to go cos she doesn't have a family & all she has is 2 big bags & a small book with an address in it. I needed to find the address so I used my iPhone (which I'm so addicted to that I always miss my bus stop because of it...the next application they should make is a press-the-bus-bell-button application for people like me who is too lazy to reach across to press the bell...wait I'm digressing...) Anyway, 1 minute later, my iPhone died. So we ended up walking around searching for the block number, and all for an old lady who kept whining non-stop about people giving her wrong directions. We walked 3 busstops while listening to her whine ok! Grinding my teeth while smiling is not easy. So in the end, the 3 of us walked with her all the way up to the front of her house where a lady greeted us & sincerely apologised on her behalf...yeap...they are not family, just a person who pity her & took her in...Wait... Actually what I want to say is the guy whom we met is quite cute! ...which means he prob have a gf...oh well... & the chances I will ever meet him again is...ziltch...

Yeap... and... that's the most exciting part of the week. Hah. Unless you count all this as exciting: meeting clients, paying late payment fines to ACRA, & re-shuffling the files on my desk every morning in an effort to make my desk look neat, which totally fail because it'll just become messy again by the end of the day...

Sigh...I'm so sleepy... I haven't watch the Black Lagoon OVA... sleepy...

Oh yea...Durarara! ended quite great :) Seeing Shizuo swinging a sign post around & throwing it like a javelin makes watching the whole show worth it :)

But the best anime of the season goes to Arakawa :)

And now, Summer anime shows...Highschool of the Dead looks interesting...but the best is KUROSHITSUJI! Nana Mizuki is in it, & so is Daisuke Ono :)) Sebastian is really just another character to fall in love with wahahaha...not to mention a whole different world of shinigami to jump into...

Oh gosh...ok calm down...

Hmm...if I ever go back to my old archives right... no matter how I look at it, it seems like I haven't grown up at all...

I am the oldest kid at the birthday dinner who is in charge of chasing the 2 year old, playing hide-n-seek with him & making sure he shares his games with the 8 year old, while other people my age huddle at the table discussing & chatting about more adult matters...

Oh Gasp! A new Bleach chapter on a Thursday! Gonna read it now!

...

Ok I know I know, expecting Grimjoww to appear was probably the stupidest thing... now the anime is more exciting than the manga, hah.

Do you realise I'm just typing rumbled jamblings while waiting for Desperate Housewives to start? Oh wait, I mean jumbled ramblings... Why? Cos my sister got me hooked on it. But hey, I always thought those quotes at the beginning & end of every episode are quite insightful about society...like this week's quote:

"We clearly learned the rules when we were children. You're not allowed to say bad words. You're not allowed to cheat on tests. It's not nice to lie to your friends. You shouldn't cuddle a man who isn't yours. And you shouldn't betray the man who is. When we grow up, we break those rules, forgeting the fact that if we get caught, we will be punished."

^cool people doing the cool action

Whatever happened to the cool & fun masaomi?? This Durarara! show ah... I think the storyline is getting very interesting... 3 friends who are so close and yet they are each keeping such big secrets from each other, so big that they might start a war in Ikebukuro itself... And then the show starts going down... with the episode after that showing Masaomi being an idiot & Anri trying to fix things by running around which is not the brightest thing ever... & now I'm waiting for the next episode to come out... & every week I wish one of those friends would speak to each other... At least give your friends a chance to explain themselves lah... they are your friends right... Haa.. Baccano! is so much better... Oh well...can't judge a great anime till all episodes are out right...

Hmm...anyway, I think this will be my last blog entry... Even a whole Sunday at home can't get me to update my blog cos I tend to blog-hop then forgot about my own blog... ahahah... ok what shall my last post be about...

Sy just came back from her graduation trip in australia & she got me souvenirs... Ah so sad that everyone's going overseas & all I get is souvenirs... heh... but she got me chocolate sweet-smelling perfume! If I use it together with the Radox honey smoothe body wash (which smells so darn sweeeet), I'll feel sweet the whole day... I love chocolate & honey :)) Sweet...

Ah sigh... ok what else are in my draft posts which I never posted...

A video: What will make you happy

A quote: "Learn to endure the pain, then next time ah, when the pain comes, it won't be so painful." ~My Dad. (This is the kind of advice my dad gives, for any kind of problem, his advice is always along those lines...sheesh...no point talking to him really.)

Oh & I actually made a new years resolution which I didn't post: "I guess mine would be to be more confident in myself, stop being so fickle-minded, & make a stand when i oppose to something." (Yea 6 months into the year & my confidence haven't really change... I think I really need to grow up... This is probably one of the smallest yet most important ability I need!)

My old iPhone wallpaper:


(Do you know this wallpaper helped me balance my trial balance :p)

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"We do not need magic to transform our world. We carry all the power we need inside ourselves already. We have the power to imagine better." ~ J.K. Rowling during a graduation ceremony

Ok go offline & do something productive girl! Like iron my clothes for tomorrow...eheh.

sad lah...wat am i doing? i was hoping to see this one fren of mine online n i end up chatting w my distant frens...i got so many things to do! ie look for a job and laundry n stuff...dont like laundry...n what's up with all the romantic stories lately ah...true stories somemore...ok got some break up stories too...like today im gonna accompany my fren who just broke up...i wanna tell her actually i need to rest at home cos im working a 6 day week but i dont hav the heart too...im too nice haha...ok whatever...

Anyway, I still can't take this in --> the power of anime+internet

Read the true story it's quite sweet... Ok I think I'm the only one who finds that interesting cos I read their blog often...

Then there's my other friend who has 2 guys who want her and she don't know how to chose so I told her to solat istigharah & solat hajat...listening to her story is like listening to a drama ok... Then I took the 'what men wants' quiz n i got a 'you are totally clueless about guys' while my sis got a 'you know everything about guys' and she told me some of the answers...like how guys prefer sms to calls...and how when guys are telling you their problems, all they want to hear back is 'it's so small compared to the grand scheme of things'...

ok why am i blogging about romance...should I start volunteering as a tuition teacher...my last tuition kid didn't really improve much in her finals so I kinda got demoralized and irritated cos she never listens to me during tuition time too...and tuitioning for free even though its for the less fortunate...don't know if i can take that cos tuitioning is not easy to me lah...gah...and should i get a twitter account or something...n i got no time to make a new blogskin :(

and i still havent really watch the 60+gb worth of Arashi that sham gave me! whevenver i watch I get goosebumps of happiness cos they're just so lovable :DDD Even more cos I haven't watch them in a long time...Matsujun is so cool and handsome k...haa...why are their experiments so cool and dangerouS...and you know how you clap along with the audience at all their amazing stunts...wahaha...I don't think I can watch them all at one shot...sad lah...

and gosh i got no time to watch the new anime season! It's kinda hard to start watching a new series...Kobato ending is great! Inuyasha ending is great! And Durarara is continueing!

Ok I gotta get ready to leave the house now...no time and too lazy to edit to proper grammer.......

^Summer Wars

Met up with an old friend on Friday for a quick movie Summer Wars which is quite a fun movie. I woke up the next day feeling I was in the OZ world haha. And that friend of mine seems to be enjoying life with no worries lah...listening to the tales of a friend with a completely different life from mine can be very interesting...

Hmm... I'm meeting a friend at ECP later to receive a birthday gift...birthdays are nice but getting so old is not...

Gosh do you know how much I love Sundays? Guess I mentioned that before... It's such a nice break from my exhausting work...

Haha...Sundays I spend resting with my family and watching anime...I saw Syaoran and co. in the Kobato series and I miss them so much... I don't realy enjoy Kobato since it's a manga kinda dropped by Clamp, and I don't think they will ever tell us the mystery of Kobato... but I think the anime will come up with it's own version of ending. Dadeeda... Durarara this week is a bit boring... I only watch it for Shizuo and Izaya... And we know who Celty is but who is Izaya?? Think that'll remain a mystery like Kenpachi's Bankai...and I'm waiting to see Mikado to finally spill out his secret... guess it won't happen anytime soon and I have to be patient. And oh man I haven't read this month's Vampire Knight... it's a love/hate manga with lotsa blood-licking and angst and they like to stress on how Kaname is a vampire who can become a beast anytime but he's using all his energy to hold it in...haha...oh well no time to read the manga today since I'm going out... sigh...

Bet you don't understand a single thing in that paragraph. That time I was reading a post on Gundam Unicorn and I didn't understand all the terms they are using...haha the Gundam universe is so big. I should really start an anime blog, since that's the only thing I enjoy blogging about...

Oh Ya Allah, please give me a new job soon, and the strength to persevere through work next week!!

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My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right? ~ Charles Schulz