Just got back from SS remedial. It wasn't that bad. I don't even know why I dread it. I always dread SS, Geo and Bio. Scared they call me to come up and start asking why I never do well. And Bio is supposed to be easy too. Bleagh, I feel stupid things. My idioticness just kills me. And I felt so stressed when I reach school today. I feel that I'm more stressed in school than at home. When I'm home, I can relax so much and procrastinate all the way until the next day and realise I havem't done a single thing and so wake up at 4a.m. to do homework and sleep again at 5. Very nice.

Hope I did okay in English. Hope eli did okay.

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, and then throw it in the face of the person who gave you the lemons until they give you the oranges you originally asked for."~Draco Veritas.

I hate my father. I hate him for hurting me like this. Gosh, his words can be so hard...or maybe I'm the one who's so weak. He always tells me to do my best. I guess he really wants me to go for it. Probably expecting me to go RJC. And I'm gonna break his heart when he realise that it is false hope. Sigh...I am such an unfilial daughter...I mean, I actually slept the whole of Saturday...20 hours or sth. It's amazing how much we can sleep. And I'm not even tired. Just LAZY. Such a horrible word. Especially at this time of the year.

Oh, I guess my blog is bloody red isn't it? And it hurts like hell, doesn't it? It irritates people and glares at people and makes them squint away...red is so evil...Guess it's time to call Jiawen again. How much do you want me to pay this time, Jiawen?

"If you don't start persisting from now, how are you going to get there?" Ummu Choo.is

I'm procrastinating. And I actually hate it. Okay, who am I kidding? I can't do this. I have to start studying.

Anyway, do you know that chocolates can make you happy? Then your body will produce endorphins and so your emotional state of mind will be happy and peaceful...ah...but try not to eat too much as it is quite addictive and can burn a hole in your pocket, which will make you emotionally insecure...not to mention physically insecure... Anyway, do you also know that chocolates contain chemicals that are fatal to dogs? Interesting...

Oh question: how do we make our blog password-prove. As in, whoever wants to read it have to type in password? Like what Pam did?

"Why do you keep writing my name?! I'm not from 4/2!" Eli, Vic and co at the sign up sheet for swim comp. (Imagine their squelling voices...no offence...)

Hello. I am not depressed. Of course I'm not. I'll just be regretting later on in life. Ah well, that's later. I'd rather procrastinate and enjoy now. My parents don't really care anyway...

Oh, Mrs Tan YH gave us chocolates today...I can't believe it. She's so damn nice. I LOVE her...although she was quite fast today during lesson.

"You waste so much money you want people to smell you, right?" Tan YH (lesson on alcohol and perfume)

We went for dinner at Suntec yesterday but we had difficulty finding a halal restaurant. I felt so freaking guilty cuz I'm the only malay...I am so irresponsible & never take initiative to find a halal restaurant in Suntec before...Inever go out often anyway...sigh...I hate this...oh, yesterday was the last day I'm going to go for any Red Cross function. Yeah! I'm gonna miss it, sure...but I can't wait to move on!

Listening compre was okay. Dunno y I feel so confident I can get all correct. I hate that feeling. Everytime I feel it, I'm sure to get almost all wrong...

“Suatu renungan untuk sebuah bayang:
Kemanisan hanya dapat dirasakan
setelah puas kepahitan dinikmati.”

Yeah, I just had my EM loci class test and I didn't have time to finish it. Again.

I think my blog looks okay already. The stupid background keep coming back then disappearing again. Ah well.

"This one happen to strike lottery" ~Mrs Tan Yioe Hwa (during practical I think...)

New blogger? Ha. So funny...

I've just been told that I can take 105 without crossing the street, then drop at Toa Payoh & take 8 from there to go home. 40 min. Man, I feel so stupid. I could have saved 20 min from each day, that would be 100min for each week, 400min for each month and 4800min for each year...

So, yeah, I took 105 with sham today and ended up wasting half an hour acting like tourists, taking pamphletes and loooking through it because...we kinda got lost. And it was raining too...

It wasn't that bad lar...I guess we have to make a few mistakes before we can reach our goals...

Malay 'O's orals were bad...I might just get another merit...I had been aiming for distinction...ugh...& they asked abt our impian...aim in life I think...& I crapped about being a doctor (which will be almost (just almost) impossible), but I don't even know what the hell I'm supposed to be when I grow up...

Hmm...my blog page looks funny...& I don't even know how to work all this html stuff...umm...help?

Oh, OOP was great...I miss Sirius already...I can't stand Rowling, how can she do that? She'll probably make Harry be killed by Voldemort in the seventh book then all the good people will die then Voldemort will stand there laughing then suddenly Fawkes will swoop down and kill him with fire-breath or something...umm...yeah...

And...in DV, Draco slept with Hermione...not Ginny...but I bet he will soon...that two-headed freak...

Why do I sound like I'm hating everything? I don't, really...I just find things so...not exciting these days...I'm not even worried about the 'O's...yet. Maybe I will, maybe I won't...I dunno...I just can't be bothered to study...I can't care less about anything these days...but I don't see anything wrong with it...don't tell me that I'll regret later on 'cause I know I will...but there's just something stopping me...and I'm happy it is...

"Rush headlong and hard at life
Or just sit at home and wait.
All things good and all the wrong
Will come right to you: it's fate.
Hear the music, dance if you can.
Dress in rags or wear your jewels.
Drink your choice, nurse your fear
In this old honkytonk of fools."
~The Book of Counted Sorrows by Dean Koontz

WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! I CHANGED MY YAHOO PASSWORD & NOW I FORGOT THE PASSWORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Mudah-mudahan, capailah cita-cita adik. Itu saja yang cik ucapkan"~pakcik yang jual curry puff.

How can I? How can I? I've tried so hard...& I'm still trying...but I just keep thinking that it's too late. It isn't too late, is it? Is it?

I think I'm suffering from emotional stress, unlike other people who suffer from stress because of school work...then again, it's just something I made up. Oh well.

"Every sixty seconds, thirty acres of rain forest are destroyed in order to raise beef for fast food restaurants that sell it to people, giving them strokes and heart attacks, which raise medical costs and insurance rates, providing insurance companies with more money to invest in large corporations that branch out further into the Third World so they can destroy more rain forests."
-- George Carlin, comedian.

ouch.

I can't believe I slept throuhout the whole Amaths remedial lesson. it's been some time since i slept in class. And I was sitting in the frontest row too. Didn't Ms Koh notice? What's worse is i have no idea what was happening and now i have lots of questions which i still don't know how to do. What's the point of a remedial lesson if i actually slept through it?

I failed my geo and i know i'm gonna fail my bio and ss too. damn. i have to work harder.

"All that is needed for the forces of evil to triumph is for enough good men to do nothing."-- Edmund Burke, Brittish political philosopher.

But i was right in front of u when i was depressed. i've always been in front of u when i'm depressed. Sigh...I just broke down yesterday, kay? Nothin serious. It's bound to happen. Anyway I've made my decision to become a science student. I want my parents to be proud of me. But I must work hard to achieve that.

"Life without meaning
cannot be borne
We find a mission
to which we're sworn
-- or answer the call
of Death's dark horn
Without a gleaming
of purpose in life,
we have no vision,
we live in strife,
-- or let blood fall
on a suicide knife."
~The Book of Counted Sorrows

GoD, I hate my life. Never thought i'd ever be saying that again but here I am HatinG My LiFe. I never wanted this to happen but here I am. Well, serves me right for keeping things to myself. My father warned me that this would happen. But hell, did I listen? No. Cry cry cry. I havent cried since so long...but it sure makes me feel better. Sure. And me life is still a mess. I hate them. I hate me for hating them. It's not even their fault. It's my fault. It has always been my fault. If I had made an effort to change, then they would change too. But I didn't. Hate myself for that. I have like a thousand billion reasons to hate myself right now. What's the point? Do I wanna be in the science stream or not? How come Shamiah was hesitant when I asked her if she wants to? Wat does that mean? What does that make me? I looser? I don't even have a goal in life...unlike jiawen. Damn it. Here I am trying to hold back my tears. Why, cuz I'm in school. I know I can't go home. If i do then I'll cry on the bus again, like last month. or was it last two months? How can time travel so fast? I shouldn't even be asking that question. I...really...really...need...a friend. There, I've said it. You know what? I'll just say the truth. I cant be a loner. But the thing is nobody will understand me. Who can I turn to? I was searching up and down for someone during lunch. I found one. And I was like, "Man, lucky thing she's here. Who knows what will happen if I didn't find anybody?" Well, I know now. And now, I have no idea what to do. It's times like these when I wish I can die. Can't find noone to stop these tears. Can't find noone to make it all go away. And it's all my fault...You know, I do want to be a science student. But I'm not making the effort to. What now? Is it still not too late? How can I continue with my life right now? How can I? But hell. I can't stay typing on this computer forever. That is never going to happen. But I don't wanna get out of here. All those people outside...sigh. Nothing I can do about it. By the way pam, thanks for signing into my guestbook. You'll never know how a few words can make a single person smile. I wish I could do that... Well, time to get on with my life & face the music. Well, partly because all those people outside are now coming in. Gottogo.

You have GOT to read this.

Ravenclaw Common Room:
"This is our common room entrance." Rachael gestured to the tapestry of a waterfall on the wall. "The password is easy. All you have to do to get in is tap it three times with your right hand. It's been charmed to recognize all the Ravenclaws, including you."
...
The Ravenclaw common room was amazing. It was large and circular, with one third of its walls devoted to bookcases and one third glass. The glass sections were like giant windows. You could see the lake and Hogsmeade Station from one, and the other towers and roofs of Hogwarts from the other.
The bookcase wall section was easily four stories high, with narrow wrought-iron platforms that reminded Harry of theater catwalks lining the bottom of each level of bookcases, and thin ladders connecting one level to another.
The ceiling was sloped, rising to a peak high above their heads. The common room was situated at the top of the tower, so it made sense. Hanging from the peak was a large duplicate of the Ravenclaw banner, as it was displayed in the Great Hall.
Harry turned around, and saw the last third of wall space. It was stone, but it was cheery and bedecked with 18 blue tapestries, one next to another. Harry saw that 14 of them were numbered 1-7, two at each number, one displayed a plate of fruits, one displayed a table of books, one displayed a sunny field, and one displayed a candlelit corridor.
All around the common room, there were chairs and couches. It had a huge amount of floor space, and most of it was efficiently used. There were four chess tables, with chairs on either side of them, study tables with between two and six chairs around them, cozy clumps of couches and chairs, and solitary chairs with small tables for reading. All of the furniture was either the same shade of glittery brown or a various shade of complementary blue.
The carpet was thick, lush blue shag, and when Harry lifted his foot it sprang back up about two inches from where his foot had crushed it.
"Behind us are the Ravenclaw portals." Rachael spoke again, gathering the attentions of the first-years. "The portals to the first year dormitories are labeled with ones, as you may notice. The portal to the girl's dorm has the picture of the woman, and the portal to the boy's dorm has the picture of the man. Once again, all you have to do is tap your right hand three times, and the wall will fade. Step through, and you'll be in your dormitory. They are magical transportation portals. All of the dormitories are really on lower levels of the tower." Rachael paused, and a few of the girls squealed excitedly. "The tapestry with the fruit is the portal to the Entrance Hall, right next to the doors to the Great Hall. The tapestry with the books is the portal to the library, though the Rowena Ravenclaw library is here for our use. The tapestry with the field will take you just outside the castle, onto the grounds. The tapestry with the corridor will take you back the way you came, to this hallway.You tap three times for all of those as well."
"The portals to the Great Hall, library, and outside work both ways as well. If you are in those places, you'll see a bronze stone in the wall, along with the normal stones. Tap on it three times to come back to the common room. Oh, and all the glass in the tower is one-way only. No one can see in."
~Stopper Death: Aconite by A 2946 [fanfiction.net]

Cool, huh? I LOVE the windows and teleporting part. Can I be in Ravenclaw now?

Okay, I've read DV12 and am irritated that Draco slept with Ginny, irritated that fake Draco kissed Harry, irritated that she let Tom enter Seamus's body, irritated that Dumbledore sent Harry to live with the Dursleys...and now I'm bored. Can somebody please recommend me some good hp fanfics?

But seriously, what's Dumbledore's problem anyway? That big old dope is just causing mischieve...thinking that he can defeat Voldemort? Thinking that he can make plans by looking at Draco's dreams? Didn't he suspect ANYTHING about those dreams? Even I had thought of the dreams as a set up. I hate Dumbledore. What do I care if you die? Hell, you're already dead.

"Where’s Ron?"
"I’m here," said Ron’s voice, from a spot next to Draco. "Why?"
"Erm," said Hermione, staring.
"I threw the Invisibility Cloak on him," said Draco blandly. "I got sick of looking at his face."
There was a sputtering sound, and Ron reappeared, having wriggled out from under the cloak he had, apparently, not noticed he was wearing. He was glaring at Draco again, and quite pink around the ears. "You – sodding – bastard –"
~From Draco Sinister

I just love it. Anyway, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, lalalalalalalalalalalalalala. Another ten months time. Yeah! Ugh, that makes me wonder, what will I be doing then?

Freaking. Why must they keep changing the stupid thing? Stupid Ning. Don't wanna take responsibility of us izzit? Then might as well not be in charge of a CCA. I can't stand her. And the others also don't want to make an effort. Everybody relies on everybody else. Everybody blames everybody else. Why can't that freaking idiot just quit if she really doesn't care? Yar sure, and our manpower just becomes lesser and lesser. You already have your duty, so stick to it. Why push the responsibility to other people? And you know what she said? She said, "There's no point working so hard because nothing's going to get out of it." Argh. I especially hate her mother. She's making all this impossible! And what did my father say? He said, "It's the same when you start working." Man, if this is how it is in school, it's going to be hell when I start working. I just can't see why they can't do it. It's not that difficult lor. I hate everybody. I especially hate myself. Because it's my fault. It's always my fault. As quoted from Elizabeth, I'm a "two-headed snake." Destroying relationships, that's my job.

Something bad happened today. The thing is, I can't tell anybody. She's too private about it. But it's not that bad. But still VERY bad. Is it our fault? Is it MY fault? Yes, of course it is. I am a HAPPY person, so it's my fault.

...Anyway, rgsrcy was doing urban hike at Orchard just now and we jogged back to school in two straight rows, with me at running the back. And smart me was wearing the "Why run when you can FLY?" t-shirt (202 t-shirt) and everybody who saw the group was like saying, "Fly lar, fly lar! Why are you still running?" Boliao.

I just love this poem:
"Darkness breaks, Moon awakes.
Night now brings the stars it makes.
Moon beams fall, Light up all.
From silvery woods there comes a call.

Grayish blur, Shaggy fur.
Food is this night creatures lure.
Brown deer, Very near.
It is brought down full of fear.
Deadly bite, Very tight.
Every wolf will feast tonight."

I got a B3 for my Malay! Yeah! Hell...what's happening to me? Anyway, I've decided to not worry and be HAPPY. I've gotten over my depression mood and am now officially HAPPY! I just LOVE my life! I will never think of giving it up ever again. I will now work harder. I'm planning to get an A1 for Higher Malay. I know I can. "If I think I can, I might. If I think I can't, I am right." Wow, I actually remember Maria Ho's quotes...South District Footdrill Competition is tomorrow and I can't wait to get it done and over with. After that there's the National Footdrill Competition (if we actually get in). I'm nervous, sure, but I'm not worrying now. Later. You know, one of the tips in that Being A Happy Teenager book is to write down all the things I have to worry about then write down a date when I can just sit and worry about all that. In the meantime, I can be HAPPY! And by the time that date have come, all the things to worry about it probably over! Yeah! Heehee...man, can you believe me? I know that other person who got a B3 too...but let's plan to work hard together, kay? The whole day today Jaime was repeating to me, "Let's work hard". And I will. I promise. Thanks everybody, for being there for me whenever I'm down, especially Jaime. She's a weird girl. You people have made a great difference in my life. And I now hope that I do in yours.

Yeah! Woohoo! I'm HAPPY! I feel like I can take on anything in the world! Come and try me...

Oh, come on, Munirah. It's your Sixteenth birthday! Why are you still crying, huh? Imagine, sixteen years ago, you were just a tiny infant being carried in your mummy's...

You just HAVE to bring my mum into the picture, dont you?

Ugh! Why the hell am I typing this into my blog? Right, because life sucks. And just because I've lived sixteen years of my life does not mean life is going to get any better.

What. The. Hell.

I wanna tell them but they wouldn't understand. Nobody would understand. None of them would. I hate them. I hate them all. I hate me. I hate me for hating them. I hate my life. It's so sick. I hate them but I cannot do a single thing about it. I just wanna die...